Mr. Green Feets

So here’s a shot of Dennis relaxing on the chaise lounge (pre-repair) after a long day of doing doggie things. The astute observer will notice that the bottoms of his feet are a lovely shade of green. Can you guess why? Take the quiz!

A) Dennis’s transformation from his alter ego, “The Incredible Hulk”, remains incomplete.
B) Dennis’s St. Patrick’s Day makeup hasn’t fully worn off yet
C) Dennis is a punk rocker
D) Dennis has worn himself out playing fetch on newly-mown grass in the back yard
E) Dennis is a leprechaun
F) Dennis is half alien (think Burt’s baby on Soap)
G) He’s been standing in Green Stuff
H) All of the above

the chase lounj strikes bak

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay i dont no wot happend but suddnly the chase lounj has been fiksed it has a noo pillo on it that is almost just like the wun that i um i meen that i cawt the gofers from the yard taring up i dont no how this happend but hmm i did see mama give auntie sum fabrik that lukked like this and then auntie tuk all the old stufing that i um i meen that the gofers pulld out and then auntie was runing the sowing mashine in her room hmm wot can this meen???

hang on i hav to lik myself i always think better wen i do that

hay i think auntie made the pillo i noo she was up to sumthing!!!

yoo may have wun this rownd, chase lounj, but we will see hoo laffs last!

home alone

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog last nite mama and dada went owt to a place calld the arther murry stoodyo for dans lessens they go there evry week and yoosully i go in my krate well this time i didnt go in my krate insted those three howsgests grammy grampy and auntie stayd home with me it was verry verry weerd beeing home withowt mama and dada arownd i didnt no what to do so first i wood bark at auntie then i wood wine then i wood pase arownd the living room and wine sum mor then i wood go to the windo to look for there kar then i wood bark at auntie again becuz i wuz pretty shoor it was her fawlt mama and dada wernt home finally mama and dada came bak and reskewed me and i wuz happy agin i thawt maybe auntie had disposd of them sumhow but i wuz wrong ………. for now

i gess it was gud to be owt of my krate with grammy grampy and auntie they arnt so bad they play fetch with me and giv me treets and the kitchn smells yummi when they are working in it but stil i wood rather hav mama and dada home with me these other peepel seem a little shifty espeshly that socalled auntie we will see if they are reely as nice as evryone sez they are ok bye

im falsly acused (again)

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog thank yoo goodbear for seeing thru that hedjhogs reediclus story it didnt happn that way at all first wen we were at the store the hedjhog praktickly begd me to take him home he jumpd off the rack rite into my mowth so of kors we tuk him sekond wuns we got him home it turnd owt he was a ninja hedjhog sent to get me in trubble wile mamas bak was turnd he took owt this littel tiny ninja sord and started poking holes in the sofa pillos well i didnt want to get blamed for that since i still get blamed for wut happend to the chayse lounj even tho it was the gofers from the yard hoo did it so i tried to stop him but hes a ninja and reely fast and sneeky i had to persoo him all arownd the howse and owt into the yard and bak into the howse and finally he got tired becuz not even a ninja has mor enerjy than a vizsla and i was able to katch him then ther was a terrifik fite wich i wun and that is the troo story of how the hedjhog lost his nose i dont no and never herd of the toy liberation front i think the hedjhog is making them up ennyway he wasnt reskewed mama thru him in the trash and he probly sneeked away before the garbaj man picked him up ok bye

ps hey duz ennybody no how to yooze a tiny ninja sord to pik the lok on a krate?

Kiddapped & Eddadgered

Heddo, by dame is Normad add I ab a hedgehog. Dot long ago I lived id de pet store wid by 14 idedtical twids add a whole budch of odder squeaky toys. Den a lady kiddapped be frob the store. It was ad idside job; de lady paid sobe bodey to de store before she took be away. Den she gave be to a little red dog dat she called Deddis. Little did I dow it but I was about to edter de uddergroudd world of dog squeak toy exploitatiod.

At first Deddis seebed like a dice doggy. He carried me around and squeaked my hodker like a good boy. But it wasd’t long before he turned mead. He bit by dose off (dat’s why I talk like dis dow) ad as you cad see in dese shocking photos, he dearly pulled by squeaker all de way out drough de opeding. Have you ever seed such cruelty? If I hadd’t beed rescued by de Toy Liberatiod Frodt I would’dt be here to tell you by story. As it is, dey say I will need years of recodstructive surgery, add by squeaker will probably dever work agaid.

I can odly hope sobbody idvestigates this so it doesn’t happed to ady odder squeak toy ever agaid. De evil Deddis add de lady who keeps hib supplied wid toys bust be brought to justice. Where is de FBI whed you deed dem?

Continue reading “Kiddapped & Eddadgered”

their heer

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog yoo may wunder why i am wispering well last nite sum peepl came to the howse unlike most peepl hoo come over they had lots of weerd littel bags on weelz and they moovd rite in to a kupl of rooms mama and dada ar calling them mom and dad and auntie i didnt no mama and dada had there own mama and dada and i dont no what an auntie is but her weerd bag smeld like cookees so i rooted arownd in it a littel ennyway i dont no whats going on but its a littel scarry so i cant tawk much i hav to sneek away and hide before they get up ok bye

New Labor-Saving Device Available!

Greetings, people who have kitchens! Are you tired of always having to wash your kitchen towels, only to have them get dirty again the very next day? Are you constantly having to take one towel down and put another one in its place? Well we have a solution for you — the Vizsl-A-Matic 9000! This miraculous new device is always on the job! As soon as its patented, ultra-sensitive air sniffing device detects that your kitchen towels have accumulated food residue, it will detach from its charging base (the Vizsl-A-Lap, sold separately) and lick into action. Before long your towels will be perfectly clean. You’ll never struggle with armloads of dirty kitchen towels again!

The Vizsl-A-Matic 9000 comes with a variety of attachments, enabling it to get into those hard-to-reach nooks and crannies and give them the most thorough cleaning they’ve had in years! Besides kitchen towels, the Vizsl-A-Matic 9000 works on:

  • Countertops!
  • Dining room tables!
  • Kitchen sinks!
  • Pantries & cabinets!
  • Garbage cans!
  • Refrigerators!
  • Ovens and ranges! (Must be cool first — very important!)
  • Dishes, bowls, and cups!
  • That space under the dishwasher where mysterious stuff accumulates and never gets cleaned up!

So don’t delay, get your Vizsl-A-Matic 9000 today, and leave the cleaning to us!

The Vizsl-A-Matic Hard At Work*

* Aerosmith soundtrack sold separately

Get Out Of My Face

Since we’ve been giving Trouble clavamox for her tooth extractions, she’s taken to sleeping in her box instead of her cat cup, perhaps thinking that we (a) won’t be able to find her or (b) won’t be able to give her the antibiotics when she’s in there. It doesn’t work, of course; nothing deters my wife from torturing my kitty — umm, I mean, administering medication as directed!*

“Can’t a girl hide in her box without having someone lift the door and shove an eyedropper down her throat?”

*Always, always, always finish your course of antibiotics!

(Back) Pillow Talk

So we have a small back pillow that, from the moment he first saw it, Dennis has coveted. Whenever he gets the chance, he steals it and carries it around the house. We thought he wanted it for a toy; but the other day he stole it yet again, dropped it on the floor, used his paw to roll it under his chin, and did this with it:

So now we think he just wants it with him in case he decides to take a little nap.