Agriculture officials downplayed the significance of an amateur video that surfaced today of the elusive “Red Mutant Cow” that has been spotted several times grazing on a small patch of rye and barley growing in a local backyard. A spokesman who had seen the video said it was “clearly faked” and called it “a low-quality YouTube reject”, but was at a loss to explain what the animal might actually be. A source within the investigation, who did not wish to speak on the record, said: “I don’t know what it is, but it’s not a cow. Would you want to milk that thing?” This official cautioned against approaching or disturbing strange animals. “I don’t care how cute or docile they look,” he said. “You never know what these creatures might do if you bother them while they’re eating. I’ve heard stories about people being licked to within an inch of their lives.”
For an exclusive look at this shocking footage, click below. Parental guidance is suggested.