kroo relees form

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog heer is the form that my kroo has to sine before beginning the jurnee to the senter of the erth it is a simpul form ritten by my loyer what i hired away from trouble the kitty i am putting it online so that other brave explorer tipes can resycle it for there own yoose ok heer goes

I, ___________________________ (your name), do hereby of my own free will and without being conned by Dennis the Constitutional Peasant (hereafter “Dennis”) in any way, agree to join the crew of the Gofer Broke on its journey to find the secret underground kingdom of the gophers. I understand that there are many and varied hazards in going deep underground, including but not limited to cave-ins, lack of oxygen, mole-men, lava, Lolth and her Drow servants, radiation, balrogs, ants the size of pickup trucks, the legendary Black Beast of Aaaauugh, falling rocks, Jimmy Hoffa, getting lost forever, being scared of the dark, claustrophobia, secret alien bases, Arne Saknussemm, dinosaurs roaming subterranean lost worlds, and those crazy cannibal things from The Descent. I do hereby indemnify and hold harmless Dennis, Dennis’s Pig Powders, and Trouble the Kitty (hereafter “Trouble”) from any loss or injury that may occur as a result of this voyage.

In return for participating in this unprecedented mission, I do hereby accept a year’s supply of Dennis’s Pig Powder as payment in full. I will also receive an “I Survived The Expedition To The Gopher Kingdom” certificate, signed by Dennis, suitable for framing. I will also be entitled to 5% of whatever loot is recovered from the Gopher King, possibly including but not limited to stockpiles of various root vegetables, scraps of upholstery from the furniture that the gophers tore up and blamed on Dennis, Jimmy Hoffa (again), undetonated smoke bombs, stolen traps, and various and sundry other materials known or suspected to be in the possession of the Gopher King.

Signed, __________________________________________________

8 Comments on “kroo relees form

  1. Pingback: jurnee to the senter of the erth « Dennis’s Diary of Destruction

  2. Dennis, Maizy is a little concerned about signing this contract. Actually, Maizy would sign just about anything, but Kif the cat is insisting that he also get a 5% share of any loot encountered. He is also wondering if there would be any deductions taken from his share were he to accidentally eat any of the the potentially delicious alien lifeforms the intrepid zenobiologists may encounter?

    Dennis says: hmm wel i gess 5% for the cat is fair ok done as far as eeting delishus alien lifeforms thats fine as long as trixie the security offiser approovs and b3 the siens offiser confirms that the alien is nontoksik ok bye

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  3. cody bear will sign as agreed, WITH THE ADDITION OF:
    15% of all royalties from any book, tv, musical score, movie, cartoon or video game arising from said trip.

    he would also like to know if there will be matching crew bandanas. if you can comply….he’s in.

    Dennis says: wow cody bear yoo drive a hard bargin ok how about 50% of royalteez to be split amung the kroo also im pretty shoor we can get bandanas from the yooniform place i will hav mama order sum that luk like mine in my cover shoot ok bye

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  4. ok, he says, sign him up, as long as the crew (kroo) doesn’t exceed 7!

    here are the items he is bringing:
    1 pair kevlar gloves
    1 teflon frying pan
    1 sony gps unit
    1 english/japanese dictionary
    1/2 lb. venison jerky
    1 heat sinking stink bomb
    60 minute a t & t calling card
    1 rubber chicken in a purple bikini
    1 ipod shuffle that plays: we are the champions, i like big butts, goin back to cali, these boots were made for walking, and royskopp’s eple (dude….don’t ask ME….its his music!)
    1 collar mounted “pet snaps” digital camera

    Dennis says: wow cody bear yoo come prepared i think i will put yoo in charj of lojistiks too ok bye

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  5. My dear Denni$,

    I’ve signed the contract after adding the following:

    “Any prestigious awards for the advancement of science resulting from the rigorous study of mysterious underground substances, including but not limited to upholstery stuffing, missing labor leaders, and tubers, will be received by the science officer on behalf of the entire crew. Any expenses-paid trips to Scandinavia to receive said awards will be taken by the science officer, who agrees to compensate the rest of the crew for their contributions with frequent postcards.”

    According to my payload calculations, Cody Bear has to jettison the frying pan. I prefer red bandannas.

    Yrs. eagerly,
    B3

    Like

  6. Missy-Moo will sign up as “Luxury Ammenities Officer” but only if there will be Peanut Butter & Jam sandwiches available 24/7 for the duration of the journey

    Like

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