I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY BUT IT WASN’T MY FAULT

HELLO SERVANTS, THIS IS TROUBLE THE KITTY. WE HERE AT DENNIS’S PIG POWDERS ARE EVER SO THRILLED TO SEE THAT OUR BELOVED FOUNDER AND HIS BRAVE CREW HAVE SURFACED IN, EVIDENTLY, COASTAL SWEDEN. I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE GOFER BROKE WAS LAUNCHED AND WHY IT’S NOT REALLY MY FAULT THAT THE SHIP WAS LOST UNDERGROUND FOR NEARLY A WEEK.

AS YOU ARE NO DOUBT AWARE, DENNIS WAS PLANNING TO PAY A BRIBE TO THE NINJA HEDGEHOGS. UNFORTUNATELY OUR CORPORATE BOOKKEEPER TOOK THE MONEY THAT WAS INTENDED FOR THE NINJA HEDGEHOGS AND SPENT IT ALL ON DANCE LESSONS AT THE ARTHUR MURRAY. (I’M LOOKING AT YOU, DADA.) AS A RESULT THE NINJA HEDGEHOGS COERCED ME INTO ALLOWING THEM TO PLANT A VIRUS IN THE GOFER BROKE COMPUTER SYSTEMS WHICH CAUSED THE LAUNCH-TIME INCIDENT.

I HAVE NOW ARRANGED WITH THE GROUND SQUIRRELS FROM THE HILL OUTSIDE TO OFFER US PROTECTION FROM THE NINJA HEDGEHOGS IN EXCHANGE FOR APRICOTS, PEACHES, AND ALMONDS FROM OUR FRUIT TREES, SO I AM CONFIDENT — MEEEEEEOWWWWW, WHAT’S THAT???

OH NO, THE SQUIRRELS HAVE DOUBLE-CROSSED ME! HISSSSSSSS!!!