The Oceanside Animals
And their imaginary friends
The Pits
The following is a public service announcement from No-Sweat brand squeak-toy deodorants and antiperspirants.
It has recently come to our attention that some users of No-Sweat brand deodorants and antiperspirants may experience a slight acidic effect under heavy stress, such as when being energetically squeaked, chewed on, thrown, or violently shaken back and forth by a dog that thinks it can break your neck if it only tries hard enough. This acidic effect may be manifested as a vinegar-like odor or discoloration or, in extreme cases, actual disintegration of the wearer’s arm pits. This recall affects deodorants and antiperspirants in the following scents: Cheese, Butter, Poo, New York Strip Steak, and Patchouli.
If you are currently using No-Sweat deodorants or antiperspirants that are subject to this warning, please discontinue use immediately and return the remaining product for a coupon good for one (1) free bottle of No-Sweat brand squeak toy cologne, which we assure you is completely safe and not at all likely to turn you into a thick yellow spray during a vigorous game of tug. Please choose from Bacon, Poo, Skunk, or Wet Dog scent.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
What a senseless waste of squeak toy life.
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8 Comments on “The Pits”
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there’s just no “quality control” anymore. i can’t believe these products are out there….disintegrating the armpits of innocent squeaky toys.
it is my thinking that plushies should go au natural, anyway.
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Woohoo! Rip that toy, tear that toy, unstuff that toy, find that yummy squeaker, swallow squeaker so you can squeak when you fart! Woohoo!
Your friend, Clover
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Oh no Dennis…you’d never destuff a squeaky toy. We know that. 😉
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Too funny! This story should go into internet orbit (you know, around the world in 80 clicks).
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Poor squeak toys! I wonder if the parent company of No-sweat antiperspirant also makes eye drops and nose sprays because the eyes and noses of Loki’s plush toys seem to have disintegrated as well!
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…… I can’t stop laughing! You’re hilarious! When does this story hit theaters?
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You should write a book! 😉 This was too funny!
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