The Pits

The following is a public service announcement from No-Sweat brand squeak-toy deodorants and antiperspirants.

It has recently come to our attention that some users of No-Sweat brand deodorants and antiperspirants may experience a slight acidic effect under heavy stress, such as when being energetically squeaked, chewed on, thrown, or violently shaken back and forth by a dog that thinks it can break your neck if it only tries hard enough.  This acidic effect may be manifested as a vinegar-like odor or discoloration or, in extreme cases, actual disintegration of the wearer’s arm pits.  This recall affects deodorants and antiperspirants in the following scents:  Cheese, Butter, Poo, New York Strip Steak, and Patchouli.

If you are currently using No-Sweat deodorants or antiperspirants that are subject to this warning, please discontinue use immediately and return the remaining product for a coupon good for one (1) free bottle of No-Sweat brand squeak toy cologne, which we assure you is completely safe and not at all likely to turn you into a thick yellow spray during a vigorous game of tug.  Please choose from Bacon, Poo, Skunk, or Wet Dog scent.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

What a senseless waste of squeak toy life.

8 thoughts on “The Pits

  1. there’s just no “quality control” anymore. i can’t believe these products are out there….disintegrating the armpits of innocent squeaky toys.

    it is my thinking that plushies should go au natural, anyway.

    The Marketing Director of No-Sweat brand squeak toy personal hygiene products says: Hey, now, where do you think we are, France?!


  2. Poor squeak toys! I wonder if the parent company of No-sweat antiperspirant also makes eye drops and nose sprays because the eyes and noses of Loki’s plush toys seem to have disintegrated as well!

    The Marketing Director of No-Sweat brand squeak toy personal hygiene products says: No-Sweat is not affiliated with Bright-Button-Eyes squeak toy eye drops or Snot-Away squeak toy nose sprays. However we are all wholly-owned subsidiaries of Pimped-Out Plushies, Inc. Please direct any inquiries to the appropriate company.


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