The Pits

The following is a public service announcement from No-Sweat brand squeak-toy deodorants and antiperspirants.

It has recently come to our attention that some users of No-Sweat brand deodorants and antiperspirants may experience a slight acidic effect under heavy stress, such as when being energetically squeaked, chewed on, thrown, or violently shaken back and forth by a dog that thinks it can break your neck if it only tries hard enough.  This acidic effect may be manifested as a vinegar-like odor or discoloration or, in extreme cases, actual disintegration of the wearer’s arm pits.  This recall affects deodorants and antiperspirants in the following scents:  Cheese, Butter, Poo, New York Strip Steak, and Patchouli.

If you are currently using No-Sweat deodorants or antiperspirants that are subject to this warning, please discontinue use immediately and return the remaining product for a coupon good for one (1) free bottle of No-Sweat brand squeak toy cologne, which we assure you is completely safe and not at all likely to turn you into a thick yellow spray during a vigorous game of tug.  Please choose from Bacon, Poo, Skunk, or Wet Dog scent.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

What a senseless waste of squeak toy life.

8 Comments on “The Pits

  1. there’s just no “quality control” anymore. i can’t believe these products are out there….disintegrating the armpits of innocent squeaky toys.

    it is my thinking that plushies should go au natural, anyway.

    The Marketing Director of No-Sweat brand squeak toy personal hygiene products says: Hey, now, where do you think we are, France?!

    Like

  2. Woohoo! Rip that toy, tear that toy, unstuff that toy, find that yummy squeaker, swallow squeaker so you can squeak when you fart! Woohoo!
    Your friend, Clover

    Dennis says: i hav no ideea wot yoo are tawking abowt i wood never do such a thing ok bye

    Like

  3. Oh no Dennis…you’d never destuff a squeaky toy. We know that. 😉

    Like

  4. Too funny! This story should go into internet orbit (you know, around the world in 80 clicks).

    Like

  5. Poor squeak toys! I wonder if the parent company of No-sweat antiperspirant also makes eye drops and nose sprays because the eyes and noses of Loki’s plush toys seem to have disintegrated as well!

    The Marketing Director of No-Sweat brand squeak toy personal hygiene products says: No-Sweat is not affiliated with Bright-Button-Eyes squeak toy eye drops or Snot-Away squeak toy nose sprays. However we are all wholly-owned subsidiaries of Pimped-Out Plushies, Inc. Please direct any inquiries to the appropriate company.

    Like

  6. Pingback: Repeat Sunday: The Pits | Dennis's Diary of Destruction

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