The following is a public service announcement from No-Sweat brand squeak-toy deodorants and antiperspirants.
It has recently come to our attention that some users of No-Sweat brand deodorants and antiperspirants may experience a slight acidic effect under heavy stress, such as when being energetically squeaked, chewed on, thrown, or violently shaken back and forth by a dog that thinks it can break your neck if it only tries hard enough. This acidic effect may be manifested as a vinegar-like odor or discoloration or, in extreme cases, actual disintegration of the wearer’s arm pits. This recall affects deodorants and antiperspirants in the following scents: Cheese, Butter, Poo, New York Strip Steak, and Patchouli.
If you are currently using No-Sweat deodorants or antiperspirants that are subject to this warning, please discontinue use immediately and return the remaining product for a coupon good for one (1) free bottle of No-Sweat brand squeak toy cologne, which we assure you is completely safe and not at all likely to turn you into a thick yellow spray during a vigorous game of tug. Please choose from Bacon, Poo, Skunk, or Wet Dog scent.
We apologize for any inconvenience.