Well, hello there, Trixie. Why are you wearing that life preserver? Are you going for a swim?
“No, I’m not.”
Hmm, that life preserver seems rather small. Are you sure it’s approved for a dog of your size? Let me look at it from another angle.
“It’s not a life preserver.”
Good gracious! What has happened to your flank? Where is all your beautiful fur? Have you joined a cult? Is this some sort of fashion statement?
“I don’t wish to discuss it.”
Oh, I see! You’re getting a tattoo like Tucker, is that it?
“I’m not getting a tattoo. And if I did, it wouldn’t say Mom.”
No? Wait, I know! You’re preparing to become a Hare Krishna!
“Now you’re just being silly. They don’t allow dogs in airports.”
Not that either? Then what? Oh, you’ve been biting yourself because of your allergies? You didn’t get your raw honey yesterday? You had to go to the vet for a cortisone shot and a shave? Oh, poor Trixie! Well, at least no one is posting embarrassing pictures of you on the Internet.