mama and dada went to the wild animal park and all i got wuz nothing

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog wel thru carefull investigashun and steeling dadas camra i hav discuvrd ware mama and dada went all day yesterday they went to the wild animal park in the mithical sitty of escondido with sum of dadas cuzzins and they didnt bring me bak ennything to eet or play with not evn wun of these:

now reely luk at this thing shirley mama cud hav reechd in and grabd this littel guy and stufd it undr her hat but nooooo i bet she wood do it for tucker tho its not fare i tell yoo!!!! well ennyway i did sum mor investigashun and it seems that the wild animal park is a hyooj sort of zoo type playse ware they hav menny diffrent animals in enormus pens that ar like the biggest off lead park yoo hav evr seen

they hav big animals

and smal animals

and scornful luking birds

and holy crap wot is that thing in the sky???? aieeeee its chasing me!!!!

ok ok im fine i think i got away from it but ware am i now ummm oh luk heerz a sine maybe it will tell me ware i am at

uh oh evidently their ar sum animalz neerby that can cauze severe finger injooreez if they bite yoo but forchunatly theez can be repared with a bandaid whew for a minnit their i wuz afrayd it wuz sumthing that mite be abel to eet me ok mooooving on we see a big cat that is even lazier then trouble:

ha ha no im just kidding nuthing is lazier then trouble and oh luk heer ar sum more big lazy cats

as yoo can see sumwun aksidently parkd there car in the lion enclozher probly wile trying to avoyd paying the nine doller parking fee but unforchunatly the lions killd and ate them and then stripd there car for parts to sell to unscroopyulus junkyards and this is why they hav such big fenses arownd the lion caje becuz utherwize peepel wood go bak to there cars in the parking lot owtside and they wood be sitting up on sinderblocks with all the gud stuf remoovd and aieeeee theres that thing in the sky agin!!!!!!

ok its fine i got away frum it agin now ennyway heer we see a luvly pikcher of a shiny krome pole

krome poles cud wunse be fownd in natchur cavorting in larj herds arownd the grate electrolite pits of the far eest unforchunatly there numbrs hav been grately redoosd by poaching and so that is why the wild animal park has begun an ambishus krome pole breeding program desined to reskew this threttind popyoolashun we can only hope they are suksesful and that krome poles do not vanish forevr from the erth oh and also their ar sum animals behind it heer is a pikcher of wun of them but note that it is not neerly as strait or shiny as the krome pole

it moovs a littel bit more than the krome pole duz tho

heer we see a jigantic hole in the grownd this is ware the velosirapters stayjd there eskayp from there elektrified enclozher

altho this evnt wuz not wel publisized it is common nollij that their is now a self sustayning breeding popyoolashun of velosirapters in the hills neerby in addishun to steeling livestok and hikers these velosirapters are also nown to start wildfires becuz they nevr bothr to mayk shoor there barbekyooz ar compleetly ekstingwishd they just dump owt the hot koles warever they feel like it

nekst we see a herd of angry elefants beseejing the wild animal park in a bid to break down the wallz and free there fellow animalz

forchoonatly a smal band of brayv wild animal park ranjer ninjas armd only with a jiant peenut shooting slingshot wer abel to repel the attak by firing lode after lode of peenuts into the elefant herd until finaly the elefants became so confyoozd and disorientd and not to menshun full of peenuts that they wanderd off to cauze trouble elseware wen last seen they wer hedding into the hills toward velosirapter territory and oh crap its that thing in the sky agin why duz it keep following me?!?!??????

whew i got away agin i fownd a big rownd bilding to hide in it is watchd ovr by this guy

and a bunch of his frends so i think it shood be sayf frum that weerd yello balloon thingie and aieeeeeeeee its a stampeed!!!!!!

wow that wuz a close wun wel as yoo can see mama and dada wer lucky to eskayp from the wild animal park with there lives and yet they hav membership cardz and keep going bak ovr and ovr agin i gess they must be adrenalin junkeez

ennyway i wuz verry happy to hav them home agin at the end of the day evn if they didnt bring me ennything at leest i didnt hav to spend the day in my krate and i only cawzd a littel bit of damaj i wundr if mama notisd????? ha ha ok bye

10 Comments on “mama and dada went to the wild animal park and all i got wuz nothing

  1. that photo really captures the beauty of the chrome pole. very elusive, the poles. i have never had the chance to photograph one…

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  2. Do you think chrome poles could soon be extinct?

    My Mommie wishes she could get a sign like the one that says “These Animals Bite!”

    Dennis, I thought you were very smart to get the correct blue toy when asked.

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  3. Dennis for some reason I cannot watch your videos! Do we need to watch them with something other than internet explorer? hmmm. I didn’t like that yellow thingy either, do you think the ninja hedgehog was stalking you?

    Jim says: We don’t have IE at home (no Windows machines) but I tried it at work with IE6 and it appears that IE objects to something or other in the WordPress javascript. I took a quick look at the javascript and didn’t see anything obviously wrong with it, but every browser has its own quirks …

    Dennis says: hello daisy yes i am pretty shoor it wuz ninja hedjhogz trying to spot me but forchoonatly i wuz abel to blend in with the crowds and eskape there notiss ok bye

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  4. Cheetahs!!! Dennis, you have such a vivid imagination. And you seem just a little paranoid about that big yellow thing.
    That place is amazing!! We have a membership to our zoo too. I love it. I swear our “stampeding animal ride” is just like that…I wonder if they are made at the same place? They were so glad to see you both back home!! I see Trixie is still wearing her life preserver.

    Jim says: Yep, she’s still wearing it. The pictures of the folding crate are actually from before she chewed up her flank. I like to do the Pulp Fiction-esque timeline manipulation now and then. 😉

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  5. One more thing I meant to say: I have NEVER seen a giraffe eat from the ground like that. Our zoo has the feeder up on a pole thingy. That is so interesting!

    Jim says: The giraffe feeders at the WAP are also up in trees and usually filled with acacia branches. I suspect that this giraffe was raiding some other animal’s feeding trough, but it had to work pretty hard at it!

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  6. I love those lions on the Range Rover. And that ‘scornful’ bird is beautiful!

    Jim says: That’s a lorikeet. They’re in an enclosure where for $3 you can buy a cup of nectar and feed them. They walk all over you trying to get the nectar. It’s very cool as long as you’re okay with getting pooped on. 😉

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  7. I agree, Dennis, that the decline in the chrome pole is unfortunate. I understand that the decline started being reversed with the dawn of French cuisine, when it became trendy to poach fish and eggs rather than chrome poles.

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