After being forced into an early launch by the unexpected attack from the giant hedgehog known as Spiny Norman, my alien friends have set a course for their homeworld in deep space. Because of a strict no-pets policy enforced by their planetary HOA, I cannot accompany them. Fortunately, their route out of the solar system takes us near a top-secret experimental government starship built with technology obtained from Keepers of the Giant Kong. They give me a strange alien atomic artifact as a parting gift, and then beam me through the icy vacuum of space to my new home aboard the starship Enterprise.
Any fears I have that I will not be welcome aboard this high-tech marvel are soon allayed by the captain, one James T. Kirk, who makes it known that with my extensive knowledge of archeology, anthropology, alien civilizations, and the occult, I will be a valuable member of his crew.
Unfortunately, I have not been long aboard the Enterprise before a strange affliction overcomes Captain Kirk’s trusted second-in-command, Mr. Spock:
It is not long before the source of Spock’s disquiet becomes apparent, as a hostile transmission arrives on the giant communications screen, interrupting the crew’s nightly showing of that episode of “The Twilight Zone” where some guy on a plane sees a monster tearing up the engine right outside his window.
A gasp goes up from the crew. Yes, it is Captain Kirk’s arch-nemesis, Captain Sweet Tater of the starship Space-Spud. Captain Tater was believed to have been baked when his ships engines were damaged in an earlier encounter with the Enterprise, setting it adrift on a collision course with the sun, but obviously Kirk and his crew underestimated Tater’s resourcefulness. For a moment, all is silent, as the crew awaits the Captain’s decision. Will they hand me over? They hardly know me; why should they endanger themselves on my behalf?
The Captain’s reasoning is, of course, impeccable; but we are now set to engage in an all-out battle with a tactical mastermind. Kirk orders us all to our battle stations, an order made difficult to carry out because the crew members are careering wildly from one side of the bridge to the other as the Space Spud unleashes a volley of Photon French Fries. But the shields hold — for now.
The battle is joined! Only one ship will triumph! I must conclude my transmission here as all power is being diverted to offensive and defensive systems. But I am confident we will prevail; because Captain Kirk is just like me, Dennis the Vizsla — he never gives up.