a skolarly treetis on skwirrel arsonists

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay i wood like to thank evrywun hoo wuz consernd abowt me and the doghowse of justss dooring the fire last week the fire is now fully contaynd so i think we hav nuthing to wurry abowt frum it at this poynt altho it wuz pretty scarry for a wile their the local fire cheef sed this fire wuz the gratest thret to the sitty in the last twenty yeerz so way to go mareenz and firefiters and pilots!!!

in reeserching the kawzes of wildfires i resently kaym across this skolarly treetis:

CA-RFD- Squirrel – Vegetation fire

Redding, CA – A squirrel is blamed for unwittingly starting a recent fire in Redding according to Jim Schultz of redding.com.

The fire began when a squirrel shorted out a power line, caught fire, and dropped into dry vegetation below.

According to battalion Chief Gerry Grey, it took 18 firefighters and six fire engines to fight the fire that started behind a Redding restaurant. The fire threatened a home briefly before it was contained on Monday.

Pat Keener, spokesman for Redding Electric Utility, said about 200 customers might have noticed a brief flicker in their electricity when the short occurred, but the incident did not cause a power outage.

in order to assist the fire department in better understanding how skwirrels mite be starting fires i hav ritten a much ekspanded verzhun of this skolarly treetis on skwirrel asonists this treetis is the result of paynstaykng undercover reeserch by myself and uthers as wel as sum deduktiv reezoning baysd on intervyooz with varyus rodents wot ar familyar with skwirrels and how they like to set fires

heer we can see an eksampel of a skwirrel wot is yoozing a flaymthrower to protekt itself from a marawding hawk of sum sort wile it is commonly beleevd that skwirrels are meek viktims of aryal predayshun they do in fakt hav a numbr of defenses in addishun to flaymthrowers they ar nown to be ekwipped with surfas to ayr missils laser beems and a copy of that old missil command viddyo gaym

nekst up is a skwirrel hoodlum wot is smoking a sigaret now as long as the skwirrel hoodlum is kayrful to put his sigaret owt properly this will not be a problem howevr skwirrel hoodlums are notorius for just dropping there sigarets wen they are tired of them and thus fire ensoos

heer we see a skwirrel enjoying a nise toasted marshmello over a hibachi unforchoonatly skwirrels ar not verry gud abowt mayking shoor there hibachis ar owt befor wandring off in serch of nuts and thus hibachis ar a leeding kawse of skwirrel relayted fires note also that if the skwirrel permits its marshmello to katch fire this can then also kawse a wildfire wen the skwirrel drops it and runs away in feer

heer we hav a skwirrel wot has sold its sole to the devil in order to bekum the verry powerful and grately feerd skwirrel rider the skwirrel rider leevs a trayl of flayms warever it goze and has been responsibul for sum of the lardjest skwirrel relayted blazes evr rekorded note that the skwirrel rider shood not be confyoozd with runaway ralph the frendly motorcycle riding mowse altho hmmm come to think of it i hav nevr seen them together at the saym time!!!!

nekst we hav the skwirrel welder wich heer is repayring a cherry picker wot is yoozd by bunneez to eet froot trees now skwirrel welders are nown to be the lowest bidders on most projekts and that is becuz they notoryusly cut korners on safety and so there neglijense leeds to at leest three or fore fires evry yeer

and finaly heer we see a skwirrel wot is eeting a halapino peppr wot is kawsing it to hav firy discharjes frum its nether reedjuns this is a primary kawse of skwirrel relayted fires in the sowthwest ware halapino peppers ar verry common wareas in other reedjuns such as the northeast the skwirrel has to mayk do with the less volatil pepperoncheeni

wel their yoo hav it a skolarly treetis on varyus sorts of skwirrel arsonists as yoo can see in most kayses the arson is only insidental to the skwirrels other aktiviteez such as welding or barbekyooing howevr that duz not mayk them enny less of a thrett or enny less responsibul for the destrukshun kawsed by there kayrlessness so remember if yoo see a skwirrel eeting a halapino tayk it away as soon as yoo can the home yoo sayv may be yore own ok bye

29 thoughts on “a skolarly treetis on skwirrel arsonists

  1. I did NOT know just how dangerous squirrels are! We have loads of them here in our woods. Yikes!

    I see “joke souvenir post cards” in your future! Brilliant!


  2. Dennis, wanna meet at the top secret dog park tomorrow?

    hello joey and kealani its dennis the vizsla dog hay i wood luv to meet at the top secret dog park but meen old mama and dada only tayk me their on weekends if yoo want to meet on say sunday morning that mite be dooabul ok bye


  3. Uh oh now Im thinking mebbe I should have chased that skwirrel what wuz in my yard the other day. I guess he didnt start a fire this time but we jest cant aford to take chances huh! I will show Mummy yer skolarly treetis next time she frowns at me fer chasing them thangs.


  4. Dennis, you may be onto something here, then again you just may be on something and it’s causing you hallucination and bouts of paranoia… 😉


  5. I just does not know what to saw. I iz in awe of the squirrels resourcefulness.
    Though they might do bad stuffs and need to be contained they still haz to be high fived! hehe
    Momma still thinks they iz cute 😦
    PES: We is very happy that the threat is contained, I hopez that they put a big fat lock on the container too! 🙂



  6. BOLBOLBOL!!! Dennis, thank you for this treatise. It will save a life someday. Those squirrels are dangerous in SO many ways!

    We are so glad to hear that the fire is contained. Three WROOOOOOS for the marines, firefighters, and pilots! We were very worried about you and all those in the doghowse of justiss.

    Brown dog kisses,


  7. HMMMM. As a member of the squirrel patrol I think that squirrel eating the jalepeno chile lives in MY neighborhood! Roscoe says that he is the ring leader of the notorious Chile Fire Nutter Butters!


  8. Man-o-man! I new theer wuz a rezun I nevr trustded thoz thengz! I prittee much got them out uv mi backyard now! Im glad I dont liv wheer yu do – I dont theenk our skiruls are that bad heer!

    Dennis says: hello zipbers thank yoo for stopping by hay dont be luld into a fals sens of sekyoority just becuz yore skwirrels havnt bernd ennything down yet they ar probly just biding there time!!! ok bye


  9. Good that you warned us all about the squirrels. My human is laughing but I think we need to stop them NOW! I will do my best to chase any I see.



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