In the Hall of the Gopher King

Our meerkat guide has proven an invaluable resource in our quest to locate the underground kingdom of the gophers. Now, following his lead, our goal is in reach; the Kingdom of the Gophers lies just ahead. What secrets will be revealed when we enter this fabled realm? Very soon, all will be revealed!

We stand here on the very threshold of the most significant advance in gopher archeology and anthropology since my award-winning treatise in which, among other things, I revealed that gophers cannot climb trees.  But before we can enter this wondrous and forbidden kingdom, my graduate assistant Mutt makes a disturbing observation:

Who are these mysterious pursuers?  What are they doing here?  And why is that fellow wearing a tin foil hat?  Is it because he can’t afford a lovely fedora like mine?

They could be looters, seeking to plunder the riches of the Gopher Kingdom; worse, they could be rival archaeologists, hoping to scoop me on this tremendous find.  But I have worked too long and too hard to be stopped now!

Disaster — they are agents of the federal government!  Then, to add insult to injury, a shocking and unexpected betrayal is revealed.  Our so-called friend, the meerkat guide, has in fact been marking our path the entire way, allowing these investigators to find us with ease!

As we are led away to face interrogation, or worse, in the bowels of FBI headquarters, I cast one last backward glance at the Kingdom of the Gophers.  So close!  I can see that, their secret revealed, gopher workers are already disassembling their sushi buffet and taking down their neon sign, no doubt planning to relocate it even deeper underground.  But I will find them again — because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up!

15 thoughts on “In the Hall of the Gopher King

  1. Oh geeze lousie Dennis!!! I hope this Funny Balltearing Idiots, did not EMO you to hard… you can only take so much before you is assimilated too!
    I just knowz you will find it again.. even more so now you have seen all the nommy foods they haves! 🙂 Buffett mmmMMMmmm



  2. Dennis
    I have absolute faith in youw investigative nevew give up powews! and I bet those FBI guys awe just jelous cause they awen’t as smawt and handsome as you, and you definitely have a bettew hat!
    Good luck and don’t let them bweak you
    love and smoochie kisses


  3. Dear Dennis the Viszla,

    From what I understand, the FBI agent with the tin foil hat is worried that dogs can read his thoughts, which are mostly about spare ribs and beef-a-roni, both of which, did he have them in hand, could get him slobbered on head to foot such that the slobber would drip from his nose and splash onto the ground-eeewwww.


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