I Want To Believe

After coming within yards of the underground kingdom of the gophers, my graduate assistant Mutt and I were prevented from entering that fabled realm by the untimely arrival of two FBI agents determined to find out all the details of my adventures that began with my discovery of the Kong of the Gods and ended when I returned to Earth courtesy of the crew of the Heart of Gold.  Despite my pleas to be allowed to finish my work underground before being taken into custody, they insisted that Mutt and I accompany them back to FBI headquarters.  Mutt, being underage, was soon released, while I, despite being a famous scientist and archaeologist, was detained and subjected to a lengthy interrogation.  What would these FBI agents do if they learned the truth?  We will see …

After spending hours in the dark, close confines of Mulder and Scully’s office, redolent of the odors of patchouli and aluminum foil, I finally give in to their demands and tell them the whole story from start to finish.

Their eyes grow ever-wider as I tell them my tale, from my conversation with the Kraken to my work undercover with the Mob in New Jersey, on to my accidental abduction by aliens and subsequent battles with Captain Sweet Tater (later Darth Tater) and his cousin Jabba the Spudd. When the account is finished, the agents excuse themselves to have a private discussion. I wonder what they are saying to each other in the other room. Debating the details of my story, no doubt.

Soon enough, they return, and inform me that I will be taken to the holding area while they investigate my claims. A material witness, they call me, as if some crime has been committed. All my efforts were in the service of science, yet they treat me like a common miscreant.

As if incarceration were not bad enough, I soon discover that I must share a cell that known felon and anarchist who made my stay in the Albuquerque prison system almost intolerable:

Ignoring my pleas for a transfer to a different cell, agents Mulder and Scully depart. They have no idea of the dangers they will face if they attempt to follow my path to the Kong of the Gods; yet they persist, heedless, believing that the truth is out there. Which it is. But are they ready to face it? Like me, Dennis the Vizsla, will they never give up?