While the two FBI agents, Mulder and Scully, conduct their “investigation” of my adventures, I am left locked in this federal dungeon, with only a deranged rabbit for company. Meanwhile, the gophers have no doubt relocated their fabulous underground kingdom and all-you-can-eat buffet to some even more remote outpost of the underworld, all my various scientific endeavors lay idle, and I have to listen to story after highly questionable story from my cellmate.
It’s enough to drive an archeologist mad.
The rabbit’s litany of offenses is stunning in its diversity and ingenuity. At first, I am fascinated by his obvious criminal genius.
As my incarceration wears on, though, I begin to suspect that all his talk is mere self-aggrandizement, or, worse, delusion.
Is he a plant, attempting to wear down my defenses and get me to talk? Is he insane? Why won’t he be quiet?
At last, I can take it no more, and challenge him to demonstrate his skill by finding a way to escape. At first he rises to the challenge, but it quickly becomes apparent that his master plan for a prison break is fatally flawed.
Then, just when it seems that all hope is lost, I receive an unexpected visitor:
Somehow, a high-powered New York City attorney has gotten wind of my unwarranted imprisonment! Surely the gears of justice are now turning in my favor, and I will soon be released to resume my archeological duties; because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up.