THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Hello stuffie friends. My name is Blue Elephant, and I am here with a public service announcement about choosing a gymnastics coach.
As an up and coming stuffie athlete, I had high hopes for earning a position on the stuffie gymnastics team and compete in the Stuffielympics. I had the raw talent, and sought out a coach who I thought would help me achieve my goal: Dennis the Vizsla Dog. Only too late did I learn that he has impersonated many professionals, and that I was to be his latest victim.
At first, things seemed to be going well. We practiced for hours every day in such basic events as the Mouth Carry and the Shake-And-Squeak. But soon, Coach Dennis revealed his dark side.
He would heap abuse on his students, yet offer no constructive criticism; instead, he used their mistakes as excuses to humiliate them and, in extreme cases, destuff them in front of all the other gymnasts.
I told myself that I was different, that my skill would earn me Coach Dennis’s respect. But I was wrong.
Coach Dennis told me I needed to work on my splits. I didn’t understand why he would say this; I thought my splits were fine. But I agreed to a private training session, where I discovered what he really had in mind:
He wasn’t talking about leg splits; he was talking about splitting me right down the middle. Now my dreams of Stuffielympics glory are gone forever, along with several ounces of poly-fill and my squeaker. Please learn from my mistake, and carefully interview your coach before embarking on any training regime. The career you save may be your own.
Good day, and thank you for reading.