Splits

THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Hello stuffie friends.  My name is Blue Elephant, and I am here with a public service announcement about choosing a gymnastics coach.

As an up and coming stuffie athlete, I had high hopes for earning a position on the stuffie gymnastics team and compete in the Stuffielympics. I had the raw talent, and sought out a coach who I thought would help me achieve my goal: Dennis the Vizsla Dog. Only too late did I learn that he has impersonated many professionals, and that I was to be his latest victim.

At first, things seemed to be going well. We practiced for hours every day in such basic events as the Mouth Carry and the Shake-And-Squeak. But soon, Coach Dennis revealed his dark side.

He would heap abuse on his students, yet offer no constructive criticism; instead, he used their mistakes as excuses to humiliate them and, in extreme cases, destuff them in front of all the other gymnasts.

I told myself that I was different, that my skill would earn me Coach Dennis’s respect. But I was wrong.

Coach Dennis told me I needed to work on my splits. I didn’t understand why he would say this; I thought my splits were fine. But I agreed to a private training session, where I discovered what he really had in mind:

He wasn’t talking about leg splits; he was talking about splitting me right down the middle.  Now my dreams of Stuffielympics glory are gone forever, along with several ounces of poly-fill and my squeaker.  Please learn from my mistake, and carefully interview your coach before embarking on any training regime.  The career you save may be your own.

Good day, and thank you for reading.

This public service announcement was brought to you by the Stuffie Defense League.

16 thoughts on “Splits

  1. Last night the little green rabbit made a similar naive choice for a personal trainer. Chase de-stuffed, de-ribboned, and de-squeakered him. This problem is endemic and some sort of warning must be spread.

    Like

  2. HEY Stuffies! Thats what you get for trying to dream big! The only dreams you should have is of how long it’s going to take for you to be destuffed!*stupid stuffies*
    Hugs & Snugs
    Eduardo the Snuggle Puggle

    Like

  3. OMD!! I do this all da time to my stuffed toys! Is that mean I is wrong? Or is it mean I does a gud job teaching? Whatever, I just love to tear em apart! Come here my stuffed toy ………

    OHBOYOHBOYOHBOY!!

    ::springs in my feet::
    ::springs in my feet::

    I is Jake!

    Like

  4. OMdog
    you poow stuffie..now his impawsonation has gone too faw..to squash youw dweam and destuff you wif glee..it’s just not wight..
    I sometimes have some stuffies splode, but I am not happy about it(besides I have to pwactice fow my suwgewy cwedentials)
    smoochie kisses
    ASTA

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  5. Ahem I am a dawg I mean lawyer and if any of the wronged stuffies would likes to start a lawsoot* against this trainer please jest let me know and I will arrange fer you to visit my howse I mean law office. My roommate I mean lawyer partner Star and I will destroy you I mean destroy your opponent.

    Dozer and Star, Stuffie Exterminators I mean Attorneys at Law

    *Winnings frum this lawsoot will go toward the purchase of more stuffies.

    Like

hello nice reeder its dennis the vizsla dog hay leev me a peemail if yoo want to!!! ok bye

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