The Maltese Crow

After finally escaping the bizarre world of the Labyrinth, I returned to my office at the university, expecting things to settle down while I got back into my routine of scholarship and education.  Little did I know how wrong I was …

It all began on my way back to my office in the Quad, when I discovered that, mysteriously, all the color seemed to have drained out of the world.  I felt like Dorothy going back to Kansas after she finished up her adventure in the colorful, mythical land of Oz.

My secretary Effie told me that I had someone waiting to see me.  A lady, she said, though I could tell by the way she said it she didn’t think my visitor was a lady at all.  One of my graduate students?  No, Effie would never have used that tone to refer to them.  A university patron?  One of the fancy women from town?  Only one way to find out.  With a practiced toss, I land my hat on the rack and head into my inner sanctum, where this so-called lady waits with a peculiar request.

Fortunately, I already had the item she was looking for.  I used it as a paperweight and, occasionally, a bludgeon.  Archeology’s a rough business and you do what you have to do.  But when I presented her with the statuette, she just scoffed at me.  There’s nothing like a highbrow lady’s scorn to make even the most highly educated and respected archeologist feel like a small and stupid child.

Once we had that misunderstanding cleared up, I showed Miss Kitty the door, then went to have a talk with Effie.  She gave me that look she always does, half awe, half love, half hero-worship.  I know what’s going on behind those eyes of yours, Effie, and it can never happen.  I’m a famous archeologist dog; you’re a human secretary.

That’s my girl, Effie.  Keep dreaming, kiddo.

With a new task set before me, I headed out for my nightly run.  The cool evening air usually clears my head, but not tonight.  Tonight it feels like the foggy dew is getting in through my big floppy ears.  Why does Miss Kitty want the Maltese Crow?  What’s she going to do with it?  And what the heck is the difference between a crow and a falcon, anyway?  I meant to ask Effie but I got distracted by some pigeons on the window sill behind her.

I was so occupied thinking about the mysterious Miss Kitty that I didn’t realize that I had jogged out into the middle of the road, but the roar of an engine got my attention.  A car coming up behind me suddenly gunned its engine and came at me at top speed, trying to run me down!

A drunk driver?  Someone who hates dogs?  Or something more sinister?  Someone trying to prevent me from finding the Maltese Crow, perhaps?  Whoever it was, they didn’t count on my superior maneuverability, and with a few quick zigs and zags I eluded the vehicle, although I ended up in the ditch covered with brambles.  Even worse, I lost my hat.

Nobody makes me lose my hat.

I couldn’t get a plate off the car, but I’ll remember the make and model, and when I find them, they’ll be sorry they tried to run me over.   If they were trying to intimidate me and make me drop the case of the Maltese Crow, their plan backfired.  Now I’m mad.  I’ll find that crow no matter what obstacles they try to throw in front of me.  Because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up.

19 thoughts on “The Maltese Crow

  1. Dennis, I fink da kittys has the CROW!! Dey has fev vers everywhere. Which means they probably atedid it!



    ::springs in my feet::
    ::springs in my feet::

    I is Jake!


  2. Dennis, you are an amazing actor. I am in complete awwww
    I am stricken with fear that the car almost hit you!
    Get the lic plate, we have to get it!

    I think crow tastes a lot like chicken and I love chicken

    You do look very handsome in that hat!


  3. Kudos to the actor, and kudos to the writer! Couldn’t stop reading line after line: and you better find that crow now Dennis! If I hear or see anything funny online I’ll send you a coded message, of course, using a white pigeon (we can’t trust no one)…


  4. Dennis, maybe you should start by spying on all of the Maltese dogs you know and see which one owns the silly crow. 🙂
    They have kind of a black and white life, not at all colorful. (white dog, black crow) Maybe the crow was a consultant for “Murder She Wrote.” You could ask the crew.
    Just tryin’ to help you out with some possible leads.

    Behr Behr 🙂


  5. Oh Dennis, what an exciting story! Bailey and me were on the edge of the chair just reading it. But what about your hat? You can’t be cool, mysterious and sophisticated without a hat!
    Wait a minute out Dad might have an old tammy – being bald he need to keep the old head warm. We will try and get old of it and send it to you!


  6. Ha Ha, Dennis the Vizsla that was a really good story. But will you find the Maltese crow? And more importantly what is the difference between a Maltese crow, a Maltese falcon and a Matlese dog? I am currently working on a case, “Riley and the Case of the Missing Ball.” It is being filmed for T.V. I am the star of a new show called, “Riley, Private Nose”. It will air on my own Television Chanel called I think. I will become a famous actor. My mommy doesn’t know but I plan to sign all the autographs that come to me. Anyway maybe one day you can have a guest appearance in my show because you are most handsomest in that suit. I don’t wear a suit—just my birthday suit!

    Bye Dennis,
    Riley the Catahoula


  7. Dennis! My mom is all excited. She loves film noir. Of course, having been a former film star myself, among all my other great accomplishments (did you know I was once principal dancer in the Russian ballet?), I mastered that genre early.



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