THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Hello stuffie friends, this is Cowboy Hedgehog, and I am here with an important public service announcement about unnecessary surgery and a dangerous syndrome called Munchhounden by Proxy.
As you may recall, I arrived here at Dennis the Vizsla’s house just a few short weeks ago, and quickly became one of Dennis’s favorite companions. The other stuffies in the house told me not to trust Dennis, but he was so friendly and attentive that I dismissed their warnings as petty jealousy. Soon, however, I learned that I had made a terrible mistake.
It wasn’t long before Dennis began constantly asking me if I felt all right. I assured him I was fine, but he didn’t seem to believe me. He would ask me if I smoked, saying that he had heard that all cowboys smoked; he would ask me if I ever fell off a horse and hit my head. I tried to tell him that I wasn’t that kind of cowboy, but he persisted. Finally he dragged me off to a so-called “doctor” friend of his for an “examination”.
Despite my protests, I was quickly brought into the operating theater, where I was strapped to a gurney. Only then did the full extent of Dennis’s Munchhounden by Proxy psychosis become clear:
I was then subjected to repeated unnecessary surgeries, all of them ones that Dennis had suggested when he had so “innocently” inquired about my health. First, to “cure” my nonexistent throat cancer brought about by my imaginary smoking habit, Dennis and his “doctor” friend performed an emergency tracheotomy:
Then, to relieve the supposed pressure on my brain as a result from falling off a horse and hitting my head, they performed a decompressive craniectomy:
And then, finally, they performed a medical procedure that I do not even believe exists, but which they called a caputectomy:
As you can see, as a result of Dennis’s Munchhounden by Proxy syndrome, I will never be able to ride the open range while enjoying a cigarette, even if I wanted to. Do not let this happen to you! If someone seems overly solicitous of your health for no good reason, beware! Beware!
Good day, and thank you for reading.