Hello good reader. This is Tucker the Much Better Vizsla Than Dennis. While Dennis is occupied getting ready for Pink Daisy’s Halloween costume contest, I thought I would address some scurrilous rumors and videos that have surfaced recently that purport to show me clumsily attempting to gain access to the kitchen counter. But can we really trust the evidence of our eyes? Let’s investigate. Come, Trixie, the game’s afoot!
Let’s begin by examining a still from the video in question:
As you can see, the back of the settee is much higher than the top of the counter. Therefore, it would certainly make no sense for me to be trying to climb over the settee to get to the counter. If anything, I would use the counter to get to the settee! Besides, as can plainly be seen, Smurfette is not on the counter, so why would I need to go there?
So the question is, because I was obviously not trying to steal food off the counter, what was I doing? The answer, of course, is that I was performing calisthenics.
Unfortunately, some people around here are not interested in physical fitness.
The conclusion is incontrovertible — I was not trying to steal anything off the counter. I was merely trying to engage in a program of physical fitness when I was so rudely interrupted. The case of whatever was on the counter is closed.
Elementary, my dear Trixie. Elementary.