Having unexpectedly encountered my old and long-presumed-deep-fried nemesis, Darth Tater, our spaceship has found itself surrounded by superior forces, cut off from outside assistance, and about to be boarded. It looks like I will spend the rest of my days as a prisoner of Darth Tater, perhaps an exhibit in his petting zoo; but as the rest of the crew files out on deck to be clapped in chains, Harry Stamper grabs my collar and pulls me into one of the air ducts. Crazy at it seems, he thinks we have a chance against Tater and his minions. Even crazier, he tells me to start calling him John McClane.
As the Orca is captured by the Spud Star’s tractor beam, Malcolm Crowe Harry Stamper John McClane and I make our way through the ventilation system toward the docking unit, which will be joined to the Spud Star’s ventilation system once the vessels have docked. Creeping through the dark, narrow air shafts, I feel a strange sense of being watched, while McClane seems to be having a conversation with someone I cannot see. I attribute this to the incipient effects of claustrophobia.
We can tell the vessels have docked when we feel a lurch in the ship, and soon we enter the much larger vents of the Space Spud, where we narrowly escape being crushed by an enormous ventilation system guardian. Or something.
Once the guardian has passed, we lower ourselves into the Spud Star’s air shaft and safely make our way into its system of Jeffries tubes. However, this does not seem to improve McClane’s claustrophobic psychosis. I have begun to worry that he will be useless when it comes time to put his plan into action, if he even has a plan.
Then, at last, we see the exit from the Jeffries tubes. In his excitement, John McClane gets a little bit carried away, but a strategically-placed word balloon averts disaster at the last possible moment!
We will hide in here until Darth Tater and Spud Hefner move away, giving us the opportunity to sneak aboard their gigantic space station, rescue our crew from the clutches of their army of Spudtroopers, find our way back to the Orca, evade their tractor beam and their flotilla of Spudfighters, somehow destroy their planet-sized ship, and then return to Earth. Hey, it could happen! After all, I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up.