Brain Drain

THE FOLLOWING IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Hello, stuffie friends. This is Round Duck.

I was recently awarded to Dennis for racing in a flyball competition. Immediately upon arriving, I began to hear horror stories from the other stuffies about their treatment at Dennis’s paws, but I was sure that, being a prize for his athletic performance, I would receive more respect. Unfortunately I was quite wrong.

Not long after arriving in Dennis’s household, he began asking me if I suffered from headaches. I kept assuring him that I didn’t, yet he persisted in asking the question, eventually going so far as to suggest that I might suffer from unrelieved cranial pressure. Despite my protests that my stuffing levels were just right, he declared that I was in dire need of a procedure that he referred to as “trespassing.”

Only later did I find out that what he really meant was “trepanning”.

During this so-called “emergency Gumby-ectomy procedure”, Dennis pulled out my honker tube through the hole he made, in order to, as he put it, “let out all the little bits of it”. He did not say what “it” was, but presumably he meant my stuffing.

Yet this is nonsensical, because my honker tube is self-contained and does not provide an exit route for stuffing, or for anything else, except honker air and, in Dennis’s feverish imagination, ghosts.

So now I am left with a plastic tube extruding most embarrassingly from my head, and must suffer the mockery of all the other stuffies who make a point of coming up to me to say, “I told you so!”

Do not let this happen to you! Remember, stories of evil spirits that live inside your head are just that, stories!

And if someone comes at you with a “melon baller” that looks more like a hole saw, run away! The cranium you save may be your own. Thank you and good day.

This public service announcement was brought to you by the Stuffie Defense League.

27 Comments on “Brain Drain

  1. Hey Stuffie! You are not very smart. I totally knew that if you see a vizsla with a sharp implement that you should run away immediately. I sure hope your pals read this. Any stuffie seeking refuge is welcome at my estate. No beheadings here.

    Slobbers,
    Mango

    Like

  2. Hey Round Ducky… Don’t listen to Mango… It’s a trap. You come to MY house.. I don’t do the head thingy. I’m an arm and leg man myself. I’m just sayin’.

    PeeS… Nice work Dennis. I’m proud of you buddy. You have exposed the Breeding Tube.. in a few days… you are gonna be covered over with stuffie infants!!!!

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  3. Wound Duckie
    I’m so sowwy
    My stuffies hide when I come neaw them..we have a suwgical wawd hewe too, but my love fow them does not diminish wif theiw lack of stuffing aftew, so don’t be sad..I’m suwe you’ll be tweasoowed as is
    smoochie kisses
    ASTA

    Like

  4. Oh Dennis – poor, misunderstood Dennis! We realise that you’re simply looking out for your stufies. Schnauzer snuggles – JD and Max.

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  5. Dennis, we understand your aversion to things that go squeeeeeeek. The duck will be just fine without his quacker. Not to worry.

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  6. Round Duck, you are lucky that is all that happened to you. If you had been here, you might have lost your webbed feet as well. Dennis is just trying to let out all of that evil from inside.

    Woos – Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

    Like

  7. You totally got off easy duckie! You see here at the moose lodge this state you are in is considered terminal so I am often forced to put stuffies with extruded honker tubes such as you have, out of their misery and send them to a quieter place. It is tragic but all part of the circle of life!

    Like

  8. Oh Round Duck, the suffering you have to go through at the paws of Dennis the Quack (no pun intended) 🙂

    Licks, hero

    Like

  9. Poor Round Duck! Oh no!!!!

    Somebody get that tube out of his head! Where’s the Doggie Howser doctor guy?

    Sonic

    Like

  10. Oh my. Didn’t know there was such an organization. Hmmm. Better have mom call my lawyer, something tells me they won;t appreciate all the eyeball consumption I’ve accomplished in the last year…

    Snorts-
    Brutus the Frenchie

    Like

  11. Wow. Um. I can safely say that stuffies here are provided a quick de-stuffing, and aren’t left disfigured (well, unless Mom is able to perform emergency surgery, and then they just look like Frankenstein’s monster wannabe’s!). I’m just saying…

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona

    PeeEss: Hey Dennis – that’s a pretty cool award for flyball; Mom and Dad don’t get anything near as cool as that when they do their car agilities thingy…

    Like

  12. dennis, does blue smoke fill your home regularly? someone should lay off the pot pipe man! better yet, disregard this comment, whatever is responsible for that wild freaky imagination of yours…keep doin’ it! that first pic was a riot.

    Like

  13. Ha Ha this post really cracked me up!!! Doctor Dennis you did a good job regardless of what Round Duck says. I have the utmost faith in your surgical skills. After all, Flat Tony survived, did he not???

    Like

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