Having been plucked from the vast Costco parking lot by the mysterious recruiter Centauri, I now find myself speeding through space toward a rendezvous with my destiny: To join the Rylan Star League, become a starfighter, and destroy Darth Tater. Fame and glory await! When I complete my mission and get back to the university, all the professors in the philosophy and English departments will be even more jealous of me than they are of Indiana Jones!
As we approach the gleaming, high-tech space station where the Rylan Star League makes its headquarters, I can’t help but notice that it bears an odd resemblance to a decidedly low-tech icon of earth culture.
Despite this bizarre coincidence, Centauri assures me that we are in the right place. We make our way to the docking bay at the base of the bowling pin, where I am picked up and escorted to a sitting room to wait with other prospective starfighters, where I immediately begin bonding with my fellow-warriors.
Finally, my name is called, and I proceed into the inner sanctum of the Rylan Star League. However, it seems that there is yet another hurdle to overcome before I will be given a starfighter and turned loose to wreak destruction upon my starch-nemesis, the evil Darth Tater, and his deadly Death Spud.
I am led into a darkened room, smelling of stale cigarette smoke, with classic 70s rock playing tinnily from unseen speakers in the ceiling. As I begin to wonder if there might be some mistake, the lights suddenly come up, and all is revealed. Or is it?
The one called The Dude clarifies who my bowl-off opponent will be, and the full gravity of the situation finally becomes clear:
Yes, I must face the dreaded Jesus Quintana, known as The Jesus, in single bowling, or I will not be given my starfighter! Without using a single expletive, The Jesus has made it clear that he will give me no quarter, so I must do the same; because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up!