After arriving at Earth just in time to prevent Darth Tater from mashing it, and then blasting my way through his army of drones, I find myself confronting Darth Tater himself in a one-on-one battle in space. I have flyball-honed reflexes and amazing paw-eye coordination on my side; but Darth Tater has something even more powerful. He has my hat.
The battle gets off to a bad start, as Darth Tater quickly gets himself into a position to strafe my StarFighter with his nasty red laser things and guided spud-bombs, all the while taunting me about my hat.
All seems lost! I cannot possibly prevail against the power of my own fedora as it sits on Darth Tater’s head! But suddenly I receive a most unexpected visitation …
Master Ramsay exhorts me to use the forks; but I have no such weapon on this StarFighter. Is he speaking metaphorically? And if so, who has time to figure that sort of thing out under such a withering barrage of fire from Darth Tater? Yet when I ask Master Ramsay for real help, he begs off.
Clearly, “marzipan confection” is a veiled reference to some secret weapon or Jedi maneuver that could seal my victory over Darth Tater; but the solution to the puzzle lies just outside my grasp! Until …
Yes, my friend Stella has managed to open a Skype connection to my StarFighter, right when I need help the most! But how can she help me defeat Darth Tater when Gordon Ramsay could not?
With Stella’s encouragement, I quickly rewire the StarFighter’s weapons systems, transforming it from a spaceship into a massive potato-frying appliance!
Before Darth Tater can escape, his Spudfighter is sliced into a dozen florin-sized disks! Whatever a florin is! And as he and his spaceship are fried to a delicate golden brown, the Death Spud is left undefended! Now is my chance to end this once and for all!
The cataclysmic explosion that results when the Diet Coke and the Mentos impact the Death Spud simultaneously completely obliterates Darth Tater’s space station!
But unfortunately I drained my ship’s power frying up Darth Tater, and am unable to get clear; the force of the blast destroys my engines and guidance system and blasts me out of the solar system, until I crash land on a familiar, yet deserted, world.
Fortunately the Doghouse of Justice is still within the walls of Petco Castle, which will allow me to return to Earth to enjoy the fruits of my triumph! And also to eat lots of mashed potatoes!
Yes, once again, I, Dennis the Vizsla has triumphed over insurmountable odds — with a little help from my friends, of course. Proving once again that if you never give up, you can accomplish anything!
Category: Dogs, VizslasTags: butter, darth tater, Dogs, frying pans, gordon ramsay, knives, marzipan, mashed potatoes, petco, potatoes dartha, recipes, saturday matinee, skype, special guest stars, stella, the last starfighter, victory, Vizslas
If you’re looking for James Viscosi’s author (or is that “other”?) blog, you can find it at jamesviscosi.com.
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