May The Forks Be With You

After arriving at Earth just in time to prevent Darth Tater from mashing it, and then blasting my way through his army of drones, I find myself confronting Darth Tater himself in a one-on-one battle in space. I have flyball-honed reflexes and amazing paw-eye coordination on my side; but Darth Tater has something even more powerful. He has my hat.

The battle gets off to a bad start, as Darth Tater quickly gets himself into a position to strafe my StarFighter with his nasty red laser things and guided spud-bombs, all the while taunting me about my hat.

All seems lost! I cannot possibly prevail against the power of my own fedora as it sits on Darth Tater’s head! But suddenly I receive a most unexpected visitation …

Master Ramsay exhorts me to use the forks; but I have no such weapon on this StarFighter. Is he speaking metaphorically? And if so, who has time to figure that sort of thing out under such a withering barrage of fire from Darth Tater? Yet when I ask Master Ramsay for real help, he begs off.

Clearly, “marzipan confection” is a veiled reference to some secret weapon or Jedi maneuver that could seal my victory over Darth Tater; but the solution to the puzzle lies just outside my grasp! Until …

Yes, my friend Stella has managed to open a Skype connection to my StarFighter, right when I need help the most! But how can she help me defeat Darth Tater when Gordon Ramsay could not?

With Stella’s encouragement, I quickly rewire the StarFighter’s weapons systems, transforming it from a spaceship into a massive potato-frying appliance!

Before Darth Tater can escape, his Spudfighter is sliced into a dozen florin-sized disks! Whatever a florin is! And as he and his spaceship are fried to a delicate golden brown, the Death Spud is left undefended! Now is my chance to end this once and for all!

The cataclysmic explosion that results when the Diet Coke and the Mentos impact the Death Spud simultaneously completely obliterates Darth Tater’s space station!

But unfortunately I drained my ship’s power frying up Darth Tater, and am unable to get clear; the force of the blast destroys my engines and guidance system and blasts me out of the solar system, until I crash land on a familiar, yet deserted, world.

Fortunately the Doghouse of Justice is still within the walls of Petco Castle, which will allow me to return to Earth to enjoy the fruits of my triumph! And also to eat lots of mashed potatoes!

Yes, once again, I, Dennis the Vizsla has triumphed over insurmountable odds — with a little help from my friends, of course. Proving once again that if you never give up, you can accomplish anything!

29 thoughts on “May The Forks Be With You

  1. Wow! That was one epic space opera! Dennis, I’m watching for those potato flakes to start landing in the yard. I’ll bet they’re delicious! I’m impressed that Chef Ramsey made it through that whole episode without swearing even once!


  2. Hooray,Dennis! Thanks furry much for including me on this inter-stellar adventure. I am mostly a homebody, but I loved this!

    Lets do it again someday and Thanks once more,

    Fellow space traveler,



  3. So, uh, a florin is about the size of Rhode Island? And did you ever get your fedora back, or did it end up in a florin-sized disc, as well? But thanks for the mashed potatoes – Mom has been stuck in a rut when it comes to making dinner; the mashed potatoes will hit the spot!

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy


  4. Thank the bright stars and Planet Petco… This is finished, finally. Yes Dennis, you are one Mighty Vizsla and may you never EVER give up.


  5. Planet Petco, it’s where the Pets Go. Do you haf to be on a leash on the whole planet cause I know you needed to haf your hoomans leashed on earth’s Petcos.

    woof – Tucker


  6. Wow..Friends soooo rock!! That Stella is extra smart!!

    Smileys & Snuggles!
    Dory, Jacob and Bilbo

    PeeEss – Hey Dennis…you were a finalist in our pack naming contest and we wanted to send you a little treat for competing. Can you have your Mama or Dada (or Trouble) send your snail mail to us at beth at ebchristians dot com.


  7. I’m glad you made it back to earth safely w/o becoming a hot dog and the universe is safe again.

    R.I.P. Darth Tator. Where’s the sour cream?


  8. What an adventure! Taters sure are yummy…

    Don’t forget, we are changing our blog today. Please update your reader to follow


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