Having been rescued from certain annihilation, TRON, YORI, and I have traveled to the most remote region of the iPhone in which I am trapped. They have promised to take me to someone who can help me escape this electronic prison and return me to the real world, but first, we must traverse an ever-more-bizarre landscape. I have not been in such a strange place since encountering the Goblin King several years ago. I can only hope my app friends know what they’re doing …

After disembarking from the lightship, we enter some sort of structure where the laws of physics, architecture, and platform-based game franchising do not seem to apply.

I am not sure which is worse, the casual violence perpetrated by Donkey Kong, or the inanity of the announcers that seem to pop up whenever anything happens around here. Perhaps I will write a paper about it once I am back at the university.

We carefully descend the ramp and make our way through a landscape of bizarre geometry and invasive, addictive, time-wasting applications. Somewhere in this maze is the app that, supposedly, will know how to send me home.

We eventually enter some sort of control room. Are we getting closer to our goal, or father away? Who can tell?

From the control room, YORI is able to pinpoint the location of the app they are taking me to see. Leaving TRON as a lookout, we continue onward, eventually arriving at our destination.

Can this Conehead really send me back? What is Ty Webb doing here? And why was YORI so insistent that she was not in fact Lacey Underall when she so clearly is? I will find out the answers to all these questions — because I am Dennis the Vizsla, and I never give up!