The Adventure Of What Halloween Is All About

Hello good readers. This is Tucker the Much Better Vizsla Than Dennis. Normally today would feature his ridiculous Sunday Awards and Meme Show, but since Dennis is still in court over his scheme to buy awards with toaster ovens, I have decided to instead investigate the true meaning of Halloween, which I am afraid has been lost in all the spooky commercialism of costumes and ghosts and vampires and whatnot. By doing this, I hope to return Halloween to its real purpose: A great big birthday party for me.

Some would have you believe the completely false and erroneous Wikipedia article about Halloween, which states that the holiday has “[its] roots in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian holiday All Saints’ Day”. This misreading of the historical record is understandable given the fact that Wikipedia has only been around since 2001 and so can’t really be expected to know what happened before then. Also, Wikipedia lacks an entry for me, Tucker the Much Better Vizsla Than Dennis, which is no doubt due to Dennis vandalizing and deleting my article every time I add it. If Wikipedia were truly complete, however, it would record that my birthday is October 31, 1998, which just happens to be the very same day that Halloween was first celebrated as far as I know. Coincidence? Hardly.

Still more evidence of Halloween’s Tucker-related origins can be found in this photo of a group of young trick-or-treaters who are all wearing a traditional Tucker mask while scrounging for treats.

Clearly, dressing as me, Tucker, is a very important part of the Halloween celebration for these children.

Having thus demonstrated that all trick-or-treaters wear Tucker masks regardless of what sort of costume they have on, let us know proceed to examining the purpose of Halloween. These trick-or-treaters go door to door asking the occupants of each house for food; I am not allowed to go door to door, but I do spend most of my time asking for food. Clearly Halloween is patterned after my favorite pastime.

Now finally, let us look at this compound word, “trick or treater”. If you carefully rearrange the letters, you get the phrase “Tocker Eattirrr”, which is clearly a corruption of “Tucker Eater”, which is my name and what I like to do.

So remember, children, when you are out there collecting candy, the only reason people are giving it to you rather than releasing the hounds to chase you off their property is because they are celebrating my twelfth birthday. But I am a very generous vizsla and will only take 10% of your loot (no chocolate please). Feel free to just leave it on a pile in the front yard. QED — the case of what Halloween is all about is closed.

case_closed

Elementary, my dear Trixie. Elementary.

27 thoughts on “The Adventure Of What Halloween Is All About

  1. Oh, Tucker, thank you for explaining. We didn’t know the facts. Happy 12th Birthday! We hope this will continue as a legacy long after you are gone (but don’t leave yet, you’re still young) because kids love celebrating your birthday.

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  2. mary says:

    thank god tucker took the time to explain all of that to me. i will make sure katie puts away tuckers 10% of her stash before she dives into it.

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  3. Sounds good to us. Besides, who can argue with Tucker Who Is The Much Better Vizsla Than Dennis? Neither of us was around in 1998, so we certainly can’t refute your facts, and since you WERE around, you can attest to said aforementioned facts. We don’t do the Halloween thing because Mom is really lazy and doesn’t like little kids the houses in our neighborhood are very far apart and all of the streets are dark, but we’ll save you 10% of any hamburgers that Mom may or may not be grilling this evening. You know, because it’s your birthday, and it’s being celebrated around the world!

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

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  4. We can’t believe how confused we have been! We always thought that “Tocker Eattirrr” was an 18th century Hungarian overlord named Dennis that preyed on unsuspecting Viszlas named Tucker… Thanks for clearing that up for us!

    Have a stupendous birthday, dude!

    Sam and Pippen

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  5. Revisionist history has always downplayed the importance of the Vizsla in the advancement of western civilization. Thank you for Truth and please bail out Dennis.

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  6. frankie furter says:

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TUCKER T.M.B.T.D.V.D. (gosh i hope i got those all correct) I had NO Idea that Howl O Ween was invented just to celebrate your Special Day!! I should have guessed though. I mean REALLY? Why else would anyone celebrate on this day???

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  7. Happy Birthday Tucker! Thank you so much for that very educational post. The Mango is now clear on why the store was sold out of Tucker the Better Viszla masks. Obviously I live in an area of traditionalists and they were all snatched up. I think that last picture is kind of a smoochie photo. You old fox, you.

    Slobbers,
    Mango

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  8. The OP Pack says:

    So now instead of saying Trick or Treat, we must teach the little ones to say Tucker Treat – sounds good to us, so Tucker, where are the treats?

    Happy Birthday and many more, Tucker.

    Happy Howl-o-ween!

    Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

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  9. Tucker, I got an extra meal today. I thought it was because we took a long walk, but now I know it was because of your birthday. Happy day! Maggie the Vizsla. If we put our faces side by side, would Dennis know us apart? I think my eyes are more gold.

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  10. Happiest of Birthdays to you Tucker! We’ll all eat bacon or cake or something at our house in your honor! Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and now I know why. I had no idea that it was really a grand celebration of your birth, but subliminally, I must have known!

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  11. Love it… “Tucker the Much Better Vizsla Than Dennis”. If I open my door to a porch full of Tuckers tonight, I’ll have to be scraped off the ceiling. That is scary. Twelve years today, eh. Happy Birthday! You don’t look more than a few months over eleven. Nice hats by the way. Now go get Dennis out right now!

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  12. Well, that certainly is a different version of Halloween than we have been led to believe, but we don’t see any flaws in that logic. Except that the hu-dad is ancient and always tells us stories of his youth and Halloween, but we think that is just senility. Anyway, Happy Twelfth Halloween. Oh, and Birthday.

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  13. Tucker,
    Happy Birthday!!
    I am so happy you finally explained what this is all about!
    I will ask my human to make a cake with a paw on and ship it over … if I swim with it it might not get there at its best…
    At least one that clearly explains the true story!
    I will file a complaint to wikipedia too.
    Let’s make them come to terms with the real truth!
    Ciao Lucille

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