a skolarly treetis on why yoo shud never ever go to the desert!!!

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay first i wood like to thank evrywun hoo offerd simpathee and sugjestchuns for how to deel with the terrifying parakeet wot invayded my howse!!! fortchoonatly mama has tayken the parakeet “to the classrum” witch i am pritty shoor is a yoofamizm for “put it in the deep fryer” ha ha ha ha ha ha ok ennyway i am sorry i hav not ben arownd dada is stil wurking on his silly buk witch meenz he duz not hav time to properly dokyooment all my adventchers however he did not say i cud not do skolarly treetises!!! now intrestingly altho dada duz not hav time to rite up my adventchers apparently he has time to go hayng owt in the desert witch is a horrid eevil nasty playse!!! so now i wood like to present a skolarly treetis on why wun shud never ever go to the desert chek it owt!!!

ok wel first yoo may be wundring wot the desert is so heer let me show yoo a pikcher of ware my sorses tel me mama and dada sneakd off to withowt us last week!!!

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natcheral desert formayshuns sutch as swimming puls and patty-os!!!

it luks pritty ok frum heer rite??? eksept for that misteeryus red finger thing wot is abowt to smash the greenhowse or wotever that is??? wel lets tern arownd and see wot the desert luks like in the other direkshun shall we???

hay tucker no wun is talking abowt dessert!!! ok so as yoo can see in the desert their is a hole lot of nuthing or is their??? lets tayk a luk at sum of the horrors wot awayt the unwary sap wot travels to the desert!!!

yoo hav got dedly rope snayks!!!

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the rope snayk is at leest ten times dedlier then the rattelsnayk!!! on akkownt of it can giv a wikkid nylon burn!!!

and yoo hav got things with spines all over them!!!

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naytcher sez "dont tutch this"!!!

aaaiiiieeeeeeeee a bird!!!! run away run away run away!!!

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woo that wuz a close wun!!! i need sumthing to calm my nervs maybe a pikcher of dada in his jigantik hat wil do the trik!!!

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ha ha ha ha nice hat dada!!! ok i feel better so lets git bak to the horrors of the desert like eevil alien pods wot attatch themselves to yore shooz and wont let go!!!

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ummm dada ar yoo shoor that attempting to remoov the eevil alien pod with yore bare hands is sutch a gud ideea??? oh and by the way nice hat!!!

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wot cud posibly go rong with this operayshun???

and wot do we hav heer??? aaiiieeeee its ninja hedjhog kaktus!!! run away run away run away!!!

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woo that wuz anuther close wun!!! lets git owt of heer and go sumware sayfer maybe that big wide open flat areea over their!!!

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hmmm eeven the layk didnt want to hayng owt heer and it is just a buntch of water!!! but at leest their ar no scarry kaktus or eevil alien pods or holy crap wot is that?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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meep meep!!!

aaiiiieeee jiant bird!!!! run away run away run away holy crap wot is that?!?!?!?!?!

aaaaiiiiieeeee jiant petrified lizard hed or sumthing!!! run away run away run away hay wot is that stuf on the grownd?!?!?!?!?!

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aaiiieeee foxtails!!!! run away run away kwik bak to the car lets git the heck owt of this awful playse before we all die or sumthing!!! ahhhh mutch better we ar hedding bak to the mithical sitty of julian and then we wil go home and hay wot is that wite stuf on the grownd???

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i hav it on gud awthority that this is the first time mama has seen snow klose up in almost nine yeerz!!!

hay trixie luk its snow!!! i bet yoo wood like to go lie in it huh??? too bad mama and dada left us all home!!! wel of korse no trip to julian is kompleet withowt a visit to the julian pie shop or so i am told!!!

and so yoo as yoo kan see i hav deesiceivly demonstrayted that their is nuthing gud that can come frum going to the desert!!! ok bye

26 thoughts on “a skolarly treetis on why yoo shud never ever go to the desert!!!

  1. Frankie Furter says:

    OMD OMD OMD DENNIS… that one hoooooje rok luks lik a jiant Snapping TURTLE’s HED!!!!
    I can see why you fear the desert… Wonder what Dada and Momma were pawssibly thinking??? Thank Dawgness they did not Force You to endure the Horror!
    Ok bye!

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  2. You are so lucky they did not make you go with them, Dennis. It looks like a minefield for dogs. Perhaps they will take you to the dog park which is much more fun.

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  3. Oh, what a horror it would have been had you been there with them. All those evil desert things – you could have been traumatized for life. Buddy says he wants one of those giant hats like your dada wore for when we walk Jan this summer.

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  4. The OP Pack says:

    Hey, Dennis, we have never been to the desert either. We don’t think we want to go but do you know if there is a detour to the pie shop? We think we might like to join Tucker there.

    Woos ~ Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara

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  5. daisydog says:

    Dennis, we have missed you so much!! So glad to hear that the scary bird has been relocated. What happens when summertime comes and mamma isn’t teaching school? Looks like that trip was really scary!! Its a good ting you didn’t go, but hopefully you got some pie 🙂

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  6. Oh Dennis! We’ve missed you so!! We live in kinda a desert-y place and it really isn’t so scary. ‘Cept for those sticker thingys. It looks like your pawrents went to Anza Burrego. Hope Mama and Dada got to see some wild flowers! And glad you got pie this time 🙂

    -Gizmo, Bart and Ruby

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  7. Dennis
    I can bawely stand to look at those howwifying pictoowes.
    OMD!
    One scaiwy thing aftew anothew and NO dessewt to boot.
    I can safely tell you I will NEVEW go thewe
    smoochie kisses
    ASTA

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  8. Dennis- tell your dada that too many pictures makes my mom’s computer mad and she couldn’t see them all. I think the desert must be very scary. I would like to see for myself in the daytime, but don’t ask me to go out there in the dark. NONONONONO. But I think it’s not wet there. I would like that. I can do snow. I understand snow. Just don’t like the water that falls on me. Maggie the Vizsla

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  9. Well, it appears momma and dada had a big adventure without you although I am not sure the desert is such a funballs place with those scary birds and attack plants. I sure am glad to know that you are still alive and the scary bird has been relocated.

    Slobbers,
    Mango

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  10. Stay away from that cactus! Have your parents ever been to the desert garden at the Huntington in San Marino? I don’t remember seeing Hedgehog cactus, but they have everything else — I love the ones that look like crazy overgrown cabbages with spines. Cactus are so bizarre, they really do look like aliens.

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  11. Dennis, that is some scary wildlife you’ve exposed us to there! I think it might be for the best that you did stay at home. Still, I bet those pies are tasty… Maybe one was a Parakeet Pie!

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  12. Tony McGurk says:

    Is a yoofamizm the place where they took the parrakeet to yoofanayz it. If that really is the desert & that really is a road runner then where was Wile E Coyote with all his Acme devices??? It sure is a place of horrors Dennis so it is a good thing you stayed home. Your Mama & Dada are lucky to have survived.

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  13. Sarge says:

    Hey Dennis!
    Wow, I’ve been missing you lately. Glad you’re back and I’m sure it’s a relief that the parakeet is gone (frydaddy?). I hear they taste just like chicken. Wow, I’m with you that the desert is no fit place for a dog. Running in those thorns would just get stickers in your feet. Who needs that?!? Teehee hee about your dad’s hat! I’m sure it would keep the rain off, but who needs that in the desert? I’m sure it would keep the sun off, but why go there if you don’t want sun? Obviously that trip was a bust since there was no access to the yummies at the the bakery. 😦 Wile E can take care of the roadrunners!
    Grr and Woof,
    Sarge, COP

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  14. Jed & Abby in MerryLand USA says:

    We’d say ‘welcome back,’ but not only was the post not about you, there wasn’t a single photo of you. Not that we don’t enjoy photos of Tucker – and desserts. What’s dada up to now in his book: page 3000?

    Jed & Abby

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  15. Hmmm. Our deserts don’t come with cute little signs labeling all the dangerous wildlife. Clearly Mom and Dad are taking us to the low-rent deserts…. We think your Dad is making a fashion statement with that hat (we also think that statement is probably something along the lines of “Help me!” but that’s something totally different.) Can’t believe they left you at home…. What is the world coming to? 😉

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

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