It’s My Party And I’ll Eat If I Want To

Hello good readers. This is Tucker the Much Better Vizsla than Dennis. While my ne’er-do-well “brother” is busy putting up signs saying he owns everything, I would like to take the opportunity to invite you to a special party at my house so that you can give me food and presents. You know you want to.

I apologize for the short notice but I only recently became aware that turning thirteen is a big deal. So I will understand if you don’t have time to get me a proper present, such as a box of Omaha Steaks or my own flock of chickens. I am perfectly happy to accept lunch meats, cheeses, and other convenient prepared snacks.

I will also accept grocery store gift cards in lieu of food.

Oh and I have received a request that somebody bring a bag of Doritos. It would probably be a good idea if whoever does that brings one of each flavor, just in case.

And also Rice Krispie Treats.

And carob s’mores. Preferably with ham inside. See you all there, this will be the best bat mitzvah ever!

Later …

22 thoughts on “It’s My Party And I’ll Eat If I Want To

  1. Really?!? After all of Dennis’ chaos that Trixie has put up with (and rescued him from), she’s cancelling your bat mitzvah?!? (Dad is saying something about how if you’ve got dangly bits it’s a bar mitvah, but if you’re having ham s’mores, you’ve probably got an Ultra-Reformed rabbi doing, uh, whatever you’re doing, so if you want a bat mitzvah, why not?!?) If you send us your address, we’ll send you lunchmeats. And some bacon. Because what’s a party without bacon?

    Seriously, dude, happy 13th birthday!!! You are officially Older Than Dirt and are now allowed to do Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want. That’s the rules!

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

    PeeEss: Doesn’t Dennis know post-it notes are so 1990s? All the cool kids are using spray paint to mark things. Just saying….

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  2. Dennis is marking everything as his, eh? Well, party on Tucker! Thirteen is a very special age indeed, and I think it qualifies you as a village elder. When you get to be thirteen, people think everything you say is wise, so use the power judiciously.

    I’ve never heard of ham at a bat mitzvah before, but I guess when you get to be thirteen and you’re a dog, you get to make your own rules!

    Happy, Happy Birthday, Tucker!

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  3. Tucker – Happy Birthday, dude! Hope you get Doritos, Rice Krispy squares, ham-filled carob s’mores, Omaha steaks, your own flock of birds, gift certificates to all your favorite places and anything else your heart desires on your special day!

    The Road Dogs

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  4. Happy birthday, Tucker! My mom said when she turned 13, she got her ears pierced. Are you going to get your ears pierced?

    I brought some food for your bat mitzvah but, uh, I kinda slipped and fell and when I did, my mouth fell on the food. Sorry.

    Wiggles & Wags,
    Mayzie

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