Hello good readers. This is Tucker the Much Better Vizsla than Dennis. While my ne’er-do-well “brother” is busy putting up signs saying he owns everything, I would like to take the opportunity to invite you to a special party at my house so that you can give me food and presents. You know you want to.
I apologize for the short notice but I only recently became aware that turning thirteen is a big deal. So I will understand if you don’t have time to get me a proper present, such as a box of Omaha Steaks or my own flock of chickens. I am perfectly happy to accept lunch meats, cheeses, and other convenient prepared snacks.
I will also accept grocery store gift cards in lieu of food.
Oh and I have received a request that somebody bring a bag of Doritos. It would probably be a good idea if whoever does that brings one of each flavor, just in case.
And also Rice Krispie Treats.
And carob s’mores. Preferably with ham inside. See you all there, this will be the best bat mitzvah ever!