speshul gest sunday: the adventcher of the vizsla dog wot is not dennis!!!

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay wel yoo may be shokd to lern that my mama and dada no a number of peepul wot also happen to hav vizsla dogs like me wot ar the odds???

trixie_no_other_dogs_like_dennis

ha ha wel that is verry troo trixie but stil a vizsla is a vizsla is a vizsla as yoo can tel frum this storry wot wun of mamas frends sent her!!! just for sum kwik bakgrownd the vizsla dog in the storry reesently had a growth reemoovd frum his nose and his mama is a vetnameez persun wot is not praktising vetnameez medissin at the moment!!! nayms hav ben redakted to protekt the innosent the gilty and the vizslas!!! ok that is enuf of the pre … pream … wel ennyway heer is the storry chek it owt!!!

Warning: This story may not be suitable for all ages. To avoid concern and distress, read only the last paragraph. To avoid gross imagery, don’t read the sentences after “the vet came in the exam room”. Otherwise, grab a coffee and sit down for “Adventures with The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis”. And don’t worry. The story ends with The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis having a nice cup of frozen yogurt.

Monday night. Just a few days after The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis’s nose surgery and he is doing fantastic. He has been eating, drinking and pooping normally and his pain medication has been greatly decreased. After two short afternoon walks, he is ready to settle down with his human family. The kids are starting finals week so we all decide to take a break before an early bedtime. Everything is quiet as we watch “Modern Family”.

All of a sudden, The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis leaps off the couch, shaking uncontrollably. He starts bolting all over the room, running into furniture and walls. His hair is raised and his eyes are dilated. I approach him cautiously, talking sweetly. The second I touch him, he leaps in the air like he has been electrocuted and creeps, low to the ground, all around the floor. He starts to pant heavily and continues to bump into
things. And here is what happened next:

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Oh my gosh, Mom, what is wrong with The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis?”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl: “Something is wrong with his back leg. See, he is limping on it.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “It’s ok, The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis. Let me take a look at you.”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (apparently the smart one in the group): “Oh my God!!! HE’S BLIND! OH MY GOD! WHAT DID THEY DO TO HIM?”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “What did ‘who’ do to him?”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (amazing researcher): “The crazy people in your profession. God only knows what they did to him.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Are you serious?”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (increasing panic): “What happened today? The Older Human Daughter Girl, what happened on his walk. DID HE EAT SOMETHING???”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Oh my GOSH DAD! Why do you always blame me for stuff like this?!? What do you think he ate that caused sudden blindness? OH MY GOSH! Why do you always act like this about me? You don’t think I can do anything!”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl (crying has started): “Something is wrong with The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Let’s calm down and take a look at him. See, he just ran up and down the stairs. He’s not blind”

(Loud crash from upstairs…)

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (a great person to have around in an emergency): “OH MY GOD!!!! HE’S BLIND AND SOMETHING IS WRONG!!! GET HIM IN THE CAR! WE HAVE TO GET HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!!”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl (really crying now): “Mommy, something is wrong with The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Let me call the clinic and let them know that we are coming.”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (the rational one): “THERE’S NO TIME. HE’S BLIND! GET IN THE CAR NOW!”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama (still in my pajamas): “Would you mind if I got dressed or should I go like this?”

(So all five of us pile in the car and head down to the Veterinary Specialty Center. The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis is in the back seat, panting and moving around in circles.)

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (who insisted on driving): “WHAT’S HE DOING BACK THERE?”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl (proving that panic is contagious): “I DON’T KNOW! Something isn’t right”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada!! Calm down and slow down! You are going to kill us”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Mommy, I think I am going to be sick. The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis looks like he is going to vomit”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (the physician): “OH MY GOD!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE IS GOING TO VOMIT?”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “What don’t you understand about vomit? He is going to vomit. Don’t you know what that is?”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada: (The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama’s hero): “OH MY GOD. WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THESE WORKERS DOING HERE?”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “They are closing our exit…”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada: “I am going to get in front of them before the do that. HOLD ON….”

We arrive at the veterinary hospital in record time. Seriously. I am not kidding. I carry The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis into the hospital (yes, hero man let the woman lift the dog) and explain what has happened.

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (the in-control one): “WE NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY. ONE THAT KNOWS SOMETHING”

(The triage nurse approaches The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis to…well…triage. The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis walks right up to her and kisses her.)

Nurse: “Well, he seems to be able to see. He’s a very cute dog. I’ll have Dr. Scott see you now.”

(She escorts us to a room. We wait semi-patiently while The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis sniffs the room for fallen snacks.)

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “I am mortified. This is the most embarrassing thing I have ever done.”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada: “What do you mean?”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “TEMPORARY BLINDNESS?? Are you serious?!? They think we are morons.”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “You shouldn’t care what other people think. That’s what you always tell us. But you guys always tell us things that you don’t do.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “I am so unbelievably embarrassed. Look at him, sniffing around. They are going to talk about this all night in the break room.”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Don’t worry Mommy. There are lots of other vet clinics around where you haven’t embarrassed yourself.”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl (still sniffling): “Actually, The Older Human Daughter Girl, she has gone through about six now.”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Shut up The Younger Human Daughter Girl. Mommy needs to think she is normal and smart.”

(At that exact moment, three things happened at once. The door opened and the youngest veterinarian on the planet walked in. Meanwhile The Younger Human Daughter Girl started hysterically laughing which caused, well, some gross stuff to come out of her nose. And The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis decided that the vet was really cool and went to give him a big greeting.)

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Oh my gosh The Younger Human Daughter Girl. You are snotting and crying. That is so gross. You are the grossest person on the planet.”

The Youngest Vet on the Planet: “Cute dog. So what happened?”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Two teenagers and an insane husband.”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada: “It was so weird. Like a panic attack. Like he had a nightmare. Do dogs have nightmares?”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “I am so embarrassed…”

(After a quick and normal exam and, thankfully, a courtesy vet visit, we were all on our way home. The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis peed on a bush and jumped up in the car.)

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Well, this is great. I didn’t get to study for Bio. Now I am going to fail”

The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada (driving much better): “Well, I am glad that we came. You can’t be too cautious.”

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Temporary blindness…I am so embarrassed…they are going to be talking about it all night…the insane vet who thought her dog was blind…honestly…”

The Younger Human Daughter Girl: “HEY! You know what tonight is? It’s “Family Bonding Night”. I’m hungry. Who wants to get yogurt”.

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Yogurtland is still open”.

The Human Mama What Is Not Dennis’s Mama: “Are you serious? I am sick to my stomach. I am totally embarrassed. It will be a miracle if I ever eat again. And you rushed me out the door so fast that I forgot a bra. I look like an idiot. Are you serious?”

The Older Human Daughter Girl: “Well, we could always go home and get yogurt. No problem either way.”

And that is how two hormonal teenagers, an insane husband, a completely embarrassed veterinarian and a dog ended up having frozen yogurt at 11pm during “Family Bonding Night”. Thank you The Vizsla Dog What Is Not Dennis for another fun adventure.

now in kayse yoo ar wurreed abowt the vizsla dog wot is not me’s helth his hyooman mama wot is not my mama layter sent this note to let us no wot she thawt happend!!!

I think The Vizsla What Is Not Dennis got really cramped up while sleeping on the couch. He was between all of us and had very little space. I think he hurt himself jumping down (that’s why he seemed like he was limping) and then he had a panic attack. Of course we all flipped out and started chasing him around to see what was wrong and that freaked him out even more. Then The Younger Human Daughter Girl started crying and The Human Dada What Is Not Dennis’s Dada was losing it and all Hell broke loose. Then we threw him in the car and The Younger Human Daughter Girl was really crying and we flew to the clinic which probably made him freak out even more. At one point the vet said “Well, he is a vizsla”.

some_vizslas_never_panic

wel he is a vizsla?!?!? hmph!!! persunaly i think this wuz a verry wel plannd and eksekyooted skeem on the part of the vizsla dog wot is not me to skore sum layt nite yogurt!!! and as yoo kan see the skeem wurkd brillyantly!!!

dennis_could_go_for_a_yogurt

wel ennyway i gess i can forgo the frozen yorgurt for now but gud on yoo vizsla dog wot is not me after all the frozen yogurt is not going to come to yoo so yoo hav to find a way to go to it!!!

ha ha ok bye

20 thoughts on “speshul gest sunday: the adventcher of the vizsla dog wot is not dennis!!!

  1. Yow Dennis dat storee bout da Viszla wot waz NOT ya n all da peeple wot were not yer peeple ix bery bery bery funny!!! Da poor Hu’Man Mum who iz not yer Mum who IZ a Vet made a misstake n even fergot da BRA!!!! Me Mum cuud reelate to diz…she dun dat befur…don’t fink bein a Vet had much to do wif da ‘no-bra’ sceen!!!
    All me can sayz iz da poor Viszla wot waz NOT ya shure had to do alot to get ssum frozen yogurt n dere haz to bee a bettur way….nah…it wuud not bee as funny any other way!!!!
    Mum sayz we shuud get a Viszla too!!!
    Lub yer faithfull reederz, Nylablue n Sherriellen Mum who iz me Mum n fergetz her bra too… 😉

    Like

  2. Well, As a Vizsla who did not panic, I think this is very funny. I just calmly made it clear to my mom that there were quite a few certain things that were not on my list of interests. the spirit of Maggie the Vizsla.

    Like

  3. Frankie and Ernie says:

    THIS is a Super EXCITING story about the VIZSLA watt is NOT YOU. We were at the edge of our cliner from the furst to the last. Peeps CAN be MALLO DRAW MATIK can’t they.

    Like

  4. Wow. Um. So what we have learned from this story is that Vizsla owners (both owners of Vizslas what ARE Dennis and owners of Vizslas what aren’t Dennis) are all crazy, and they all like yogurt. Oh, and Tucker got his wings AND all the yogurt he can eat. Sounds like all systems are normal.

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

    Like

  5. Oh wow Dennis! What a story! I’m on your side though, how dare they tar all Viszlas with the same brush? 😀 I think they should buy you lots of yoghurt to make up for it!
    Hugs, Carrie (Myfie, Ellie and Millie) x

    Like

  6. The OP Pack says:

    Whoa, we think we got lost at the very beginning, but in any event, we hope you go some yummy yogurt,Dennis.

    Woos – Phantom, Ciara, and Lightning

    Like

  7. Ok, our first reaction is that there is no dog quite like Dennis. Just saying.

    Secondly, glad to know that our hu-dad is not the only crazy person who freaks out at things and we get a free (well, not so free for him) trip to the vet where we get snacks and ear scratches and a car ride as a bonus.

    Finally, we have to share Qannik’s last diagnosis. Apparently, the hair on his tail is evil and must be removed so Q focuses on doing that – while the hu-dad has been through countless attempts to diagnose why. This is the same dog that has lots of, well, quirks to his personality. The vet just looks the hu-dad in the eye and says, “Well, he is a little psychotic.”

    Which probably disproves our first statement in this comment.

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  8. Dexter says:

    A truly riveting tale. It seems that all vizslas are alike in their propensity to find the most difficult and annoying way possible to achieve their goal. Momma says she is happy he went to the vet because you never know, right?

    Kisses,
    Dexter

    Like

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