a skolarly treetis on wot the hek has happend to my bakyard

hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay sum may hav notisd in reesent pikchers that my bakyard is not as green as it yoozed to be bak wen trixie wuz keeping it sayf frum eevil perpetraytors and yoo no wot??? its troo!!! the fotografik evidense is inkontrovertibul!!!

trixie_back_yard_grass

my bak yard wunse upon a time wen trixie wuz in chardj

GE

my bak yard now that saya is in chardj

now sum so kalld sientists wood hav us beleev that this degradayshun of my bak yard is relayted to sum sort of drowt and they eeven put together sum sort of chart to try to proov it chek it owt!!!

soodo sientifik graffik

soodo sientifik graffik

but seeryusly ar we suppozd to beleev wot tree rings tel us??? ware did the treez git theez rings ennyway??? i hav never seen a tree waring a ring not eeven that krazy ent wot showd up heer this spring wore rings and he had plenty of gold appels wot he cud hav had melted down to mayk joowelry and wotnot!!! and beesides luk at wot it wuz dooing heer last nite!!!

yes thats rite thats rain!!! so kleerly theez so kalld sientists ar just grasping at twigs to eksplayn why my bakyard is a mess theez days!!! and so i wil now preezent a skolarly treetis to help them owt!!!

first heer is the patty-o on wich my sister trixie yoozd to lay wile garding the yard frum evil perpetraytors and others wot wood do it harm!!!

GE

GE

wot we hav heer is kleerly sum sort of attempt to undermine the patty-o posibly for the purposes of planting eksplosivs!!! this is informayshun wot kannot be gleend frum lukking at mithikal tree rings but nevertheless we no hoo wood be dooing that dont we???

bob_patio_dynamite

thats rite!!! bob the pyromaniak bilder hoo is no longer afrayd to enter the yard as it is no longer under trixies protekshun!!! and he brawt his littel bakhoe wich is no dowt reesponsibul for taring up all the grass and digging enny number of other holes!!! do yoo need more sientifik evidense that bob is reesponsibul for the problems in my yard??? i am happy to provide it!!!

backhoe_hole_1

backhoe_hole_2

backhole_hole_3_pennywise

Gophers?

Gophers?

hay!!! saya!!! git owt of the pikcher!!! i am trying to do siense heer!!! sheesh sum puppeez!!! ennyway as yoo kan see almost evryware their is a hole their is a backhoe!!! and okkayzhunally a skarry klown but the less sed abowt skarry klowns the better!!! ennyway i no wot yoo ar thinking yoo ar thinking okay dennis yoo hav konvinsd me that bob the pyromaniak bilder is trying to plant bombs underneeth yore patty-o on akkownt of he is a pyromaniak but wot abowt those holes in the yard and the shingles wot ar kovering sum of them up???

GE

innokyoous hole in the yard??? or krater???

wile it seems unlikely that bob the pyromaniak bilder wood want to plant bombs ware their is nothing to blow up it is a fakt that i heer bombs going off all the time owtside!!! mama and dada always try to tel me it is just the neerby bayse praktising with artillery but it seems the trooth has finaly ben reeveeld they ar shooting missils into my yard to try to destroy yoo gessd it bob the pyromaniak bilder!!! and that is why he is always waring that silly helmet!!!

bob_bombs

bob_command_bunker

GE

hay!!! saya!!! i am stil trying to do my skolarly treetis!!! wil yoo git away from bob the pyromaniak bilders netwurk of tunnels pleez??? sheesh kids theez days they hav no reespekt for the sientifik method!!!

saya_gopher_holes

fine saya yoo kan walk on the roof of bob the pyromaniak bilders undergrownd layr if yoo want to but yoo do so at yore own risk!!! onnestly i kannot git proper siense dun with that puppy running arownd interfering with my analittik prossess but i am shoor that by now i hav mayd evrywun unnerstand that the reel kawze of all theez problims in my yard is bob the pyromaniak bilder!!! toon in nekst week wen i wil attempt to eksplayn why the yard is also ful of paypers and cardbord and other trash as wel as beeing ful of holes!!! ok bye

20 thoughts on “a skolarly treetis on wot the hek has happend to my bakyard

  1. that pyromaniak bilder guy was in my back yard too…. and he was armed and cut my toe nail off… imagine that…. next time I pee on his head, that’s for sure … btw: it#s amazing how similar we are, we stay in side when it rains and we are something like canine moles :o)

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  2. We have the same holes here but would like to expand on your scientific theory. You see, we notice that the holes are ONLY in the dog yard. Amazingly, there are no such holes in the parts of the yard where we do not go. The conclusion is obvious . . . Bob the pyromaniac builder is clearly out to eliminate the superior race of this earth – canines! What else would possibly explain it?

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  3. joandstella says:

    We cannot speak to any of this crazy stuff. Here we have SnowSenders who send snow from the sky and it fills up our front and backyard. It gets deeper and deeper until about May 1st when it warms up weather-wise and the snow turns into water. We don’t know if the SnowSenders have some diabolical plot to cover us with snow, but so far we keep ahead of it. One crazy system, and yours is even crazier.

    Your pal, Stella who likes pics of The Beautiful Trixie because then I don’t miss her so much.

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  4. Dude! That sciense in your treetis was almost over our heads (and we are told we have long leggies!)! Clearly, with your yard no longer being under the immediate protection of the Beautiful Trixie (we are sure she is watching from afar), Bob the Pyromaniac feels confident in his ability to wreak havoc. We may have holes in our yard, too, but like Stella, the SnowSenders have been good to us this year, and our holes are covered in snow – Bob the Pyromanic no doubt left here to go to more temperate climates like Sandy Eggo.

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Abby the Hippobottomus

    PeeEss – thank you for the card! We think Saya is on to something with Santa possibly being a vampire!

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  5. dorysbackyard says:

    OMD…SCARY CLOWNS…AAAIIIEeeeeeeeeee!!!! Uh-hem, sorry Dennis, but Mama has been having nightmares about that very clown for years.

    We think your treetis could be very accurate…that Bob can be very destructive!
    Smileys!
    Dory, Jakey, Arty & Bilbo

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  6. The OP Pack says:

    Mom says we seem to go through spurts with those holes in our yard – right now there seem to be several new craters after a long period of nice green grass. We have no explanation unless those dumb moles have returned:)

    Maybe the Beautiful Trixie will send some advice from the Bridge.

    Woos – Ciara and Lightning

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  7. Oh my goodness my friends – that is a dilemma. And you are so brave! But I have to admit, speaking of rain. When I saw that clown, it rained down my legs – snorts and squeals. XOXO – Bacon

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