The Hipster Kitties
And their imaginary friends
Eat The Press
Producer Smurf: “Dennis, we have to smurf something about your poll numbers. They’re smurfbysmal.”
Dennis: “Which line am I on that graph?”
Producer Smurf: “None of them. You’re not on that graph. Nobody knows who the smurf you are. We need to smurf a press conference.”
Dennis: “I don’t know. Can’t I just coast to victory on my cuteness?”
Producer Smurf: “I’m afraid not, Dennis. This isn’t the Sunday Awards and Meme Show. You’re smurfing in the big leagues now.”
Dennis: “What would I have to do at this press conference?”
Producer Smurf: “Well first your verminous running mate will smurf out to insult your opponents.”
Possum: “HISSS! Nasty blue thug! Stop calling me vermin!”
Producer Smurf: “‘Vermin’ is just part of your job description.”
Producer Smurf: “After that, Dennis, you’ll come out and explain why everyone should vote for you, and then you’ll answer questions from the press.”
Mouse: “That’s a great idea, Producer Smurf. Because we all know how much Dennis enjoys interacting with a gaggle of people he doesn’t know.”
Spicoli: “Ha ha ha ‘gaggle’! *SNORT*”
Dennis: “Will there be cookies?”
Producer Smurf: “Of course there’ll be cookies. That’s the only way to get the press to smurf up.”
Possum: “HISSS! What about meal worms?”
Producer Smurf: “Oh sure. The press can’t smurf enough mealworms.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Don’t be afraid, Mr. Dennis! The press will love you!”
Mouse: *This has “fiasco” written all over it …*
Soon …
Reporter #1: “These cookies are delicious.”
Reporter #2: “Oddly crunchy though.”
Reporter #3: “Are these cashews?”
Reporter #4: “Who’s that?”
Reporter #5: “The vice-presidential candidate, Vermin.”
Possum: “HISSS! Nasty reporters! You ate all the meal worm cookies before I got one! I kill you! I kill you all! Now here’s big stupid Dennis to slobber and beg for treats.”
Reporter #1: “Vermin knocked that speech out of the park.”
Reporter #2: “Makes you wish the ticket was reversed!”
Reporter #3: “Dennis may find himself overshadowed by his own running mate.”
Reporter #4: “Did she say ‘meal worm cookies’?”
Dennis: “Uh, hello …”
But suddenly …
And then …
Hacker: “We are The Anonymouse Hacking Collective! And we are here to show you what secrets Dennis is hiding! Mainly because he doesn’t know about them.”
Dennis: “Do you all have the feeling you’re being watched?”
Dennis: “Aaaiiiieeee! What is that? Some kind of alien super-weapons system? We surrender!”
Hacker: “That, my friends, is a moderate enlargement of the left upper chamber of the heart, plus a Class 5 murmur with thrill and recent mitral chordal rupture! So ask yourselves: Should poor Dennis really subject himself to the stress of the Presidency? And should vermin really be one heart-beat away from it?”
Possum: “HISSS! Stop calling me vermin!”
Producer Smurf: “This press conference is over! Get the smurf out!”
* Dada’s Note: Dennis’s cardiac recheck was last week and it came back as described above, with an upgraded Grade V heart murmur with thrill, myxomatous valve degeneration, mitral and tricuspid valve regurgitation, and partial mitral chordal rupture. He is now on Benazepril, an ACE inhibitor, to help his heart work better and ward off congestive heart failure. He is just starting to develop an occasional cough and continues to spend quite a bit of time resting or sleeping, but appears generally comfortable and in good spirits. He will be going for more frequent rechecks in the future as we continue to monitor his condition.
20 Comments on “Eat The Press”
hello nice reeder its dennis the vizsla dog hay leev me a peemail if yoo want to!!! ok bye
Thank you Petcretary Ingrid of Meezer’s Mews & Terrieristical Woofs!
Recent Comments
We all send you purrs and hugs Dennis, love ya pal. That post was terrific and we loved the title, let’s eat!!!
LikeLike
Hang in there, Dennis (and Denis’s Mom and Dad). ‘Purrs and hugs’ from me, too.
LikeLike
All those big words sound really scary. Probably you should not be president with a vermin just one heart beat away from the office. Sending our best healing thoughts.
LikeLike
Sounds like Dada is taking good care of you Dennis. Now you also take good care of yourself 🙂
LikeLike
We hate that Dennis is having so many health problems, but know you are taking good care of him.
LikeLike
Oh nooo! Dennis, I don’t think being president is a good idea now. But then again, president’s don’t do much but order people around, eat, golf and sleep. Maybe it would be a good job for you! (PS love from Juno to help you feel better and arrrggghhh wooo woo from loki the cracker on the left coast)
LikeLike
No worries about that election, Dennis – you are and always will be a winner with us!!! Sorry to hear about your ticker – we know your Dada and Mama are taking very good care of you – many hugs from us.
Woos – Ciara and Lightning
LikeLike
Wow, that was quite the story! BUTT our thoughts are with Dennis and hoping he can stay healthy!
Your Pals,
Murphy & Stanley
LikeLike
Dennis? Let the Vermin run in you’re place. He’s in good company.
-Otto
LikeLike
We’re sorry to hear your ticker isn’t feeling up to par Dennis and hope the medicine help you. We will keep our paws crossed for you.
Millie & Walter
LikeLike
We all know that dogs have big hearts, its just too bad it affects their health. Hang in there.
LikeLike
we’re makin’ grizzly doggy noices in support
of your sci fi, low fi, hi fi hellth care, Dennis,
wagging fur yur getting as better as can be -fang n chomp 🙂
LikeLike
Sweet Dennis, I hesitated to press the *like* button, given your cardiac diagnosis. You do have a big ❤ and have a lot of love to share, so it’s not surprising it’s getting a bit overworked. Enjoy your naps and ask for more cookies! 😀
Sending you many hugs,
Lindy
LikeLike
It sounds like maybe Vermin should take over the campaign while you take care of yourself Dennis, we are sending lots of Lhasa love your way!!
Dory and Mama Beth
LikeLike
Pingback: Teaser Tuesday 8/16/2016: “Ticker” | Scribblings
Dennis, The Rs and I are sending lots of barklove your way!
LikeLike
I just saw the rest of this post with Dennis’ echo on it, it is an impressive one. (I see a lot of them) Hopefully the ACE is making him feel better along with his treatments. Keep on truckin’ Dennis, you are our favorite troublemaker 🙂
Luvs
Marty’s Mom and the Gang
LikeLike
Pingback: the lukk o’the irish!!! or not!!! | Dennis's Diary of Destruction
Pingback: eye beady??? or eye be dee??? | Dennis's Diary of Destruction
Pingback: Enjoy What You Can While You Can | Dennis's Diary of Destruction