Eat The Press


Producer Smurf: “Dennis, we have to smurf something about your poll numbers. They’re smurfbysmal.”
Dennis: “Which line am I on that graph?”
Producer Smurf: “None of them. You’re not on that graph. Nobody knows who the smurf you are. We need to smurf a press conference.”


Dennis: “I don’t know. Can’t I just coast to victory on my cuteness?”
Producer Smurf: “I’m afraid not, Dennis. This isn’t the Sunday Awards and Meme Show. You’re smurfing in the big leagues now.”
Dennis: “What would I have to do at this press conference?”
Producer Smurf: “Well first your verminous running mate will smurf out to insult your opponents.”
Possum: “HISSS! Nasty blue thug! Stop calling me vermin!”
Producer Smurf: “‘Vermin’ is just part of your job description.”
Producer Smurf: “After that, Dennis, you’ll come out and explain why everyone should vote for you, and then you’ll answer questions from the press.”
Mouse: “That’s a great idea, Producer Smurf. Because we all know how much Dennis enjoys interacting with a gaggle of people he doesn’t know.”
Spicoli: “Ha ha ha ‘gaggle’! *SNORT*”


Dennis: “Will there be cookies?”
Producer Smurf: “Of course there’ll be cookies. That’s the only way to get the press to smurf up.”
Possum: “HISSS! What about meal worms?”
Producer Smurf: “Oh sure. The press can’t smurf enough mealworms.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Don’t be afraid, Mr. Dennis! The press will love you!”
Mouse: *This has “fiasco” written all over it …*

Soon …


Reporter #1: “These cookies are delicious.”
Reporter #2: “Oddly crunchy though.”
Reporter #3: “Are these cashews?”
Reporter #4: “Who’s that?”
Reporter #5: “The vice-presidential candidate, Vermin.”


Possum: “HISSS! Nasty reporters! You ate all the meal worm cookies before I got one! I kill you! I kill you all! Now here’s big stupid Dennis to slobber and beg for treats.”


Reporter #1: “Vermin knocked that speech out of the park.”
Reporter #2: “Makes you wish the ticket was reversed!”
Reporter #3: “Dennis may find himself overshadowed by his own running mate.”
Reporter #4: “Did she say ‘meal worm cookies’?”


Dennis: “Uh, hello …”

But suddenly …


And then …


Hacker: “We are The Anonymouse Hacking Collective! And we are here to show you what secrets Dennis is hiding! Mainly because he doesn’t know about them.”
Dennis: “Do you all have the feeling you’re being watched?”


Dennis: “Aaaiiiieeee! What is that? Some kind of alien super-weapons system? We surrender!”
Hacker: “That, my friends, is a moderate enlargement of the left upper chamber of the heart, plus a Class 5 murmur with thrill and recent mitral chordal rupture! So ask yourselves: Should poor Dennis really subject himself to the stress of the Presidency? And should vermin really be one heart-beat away from it?”
Possum: “HISSS! Stop calling me vermin!”
Producer Smurf: “This press conference is over! Get the smurf out!”

* Dada’s Note: Dennis’s cardiac recheck was last week and it came back as described above, with an upgraded Grade V heart murmur with thrill, myxomatous valve degeneration, mitral and tricuspid valve regurgitation, and partial mitral chordal rupture. He is now on Benazepril, an ACE inhibitor, to help his heart work better and ward off congestive heart failure.  He is just starting to develop an occasional cough and continues to spend quite a bit of time resting or sleeping, but appears generally comfortable and in good spirits.  He will be going for more frequent rechecks in the future as we continue to monitor his condition.

20 thoughts on “Eat The Press

  1. All those big words sound really scary. Probably you should not be president with a vermin just one heart beat away from the office. Sending our best healing thoughts.


  2. Oh nooo! Dennis, I don’t think being president is a good idea now. But then again, president’s don’t do much but order people around, eat, golf and sleep. Maybe it would be a good job for you! (PS love from Juno to help you feel better and arrrggghhh wooo woo from loki the cracker on the left coast)


  3. No worries about that election, Dennis – you are and always will be a winner with us!!! Sorry to hear about your ticker – we know your Dada and Mama are taking very good care of you – many hugs from us.

    Woos – Ciara and Lightning


  4. Sweet Dennis, I hesitated to press the *like* button, given your cardiac diagnosis. You do have a big ❤ and have a lot of love to share, so it’s not surprising it’s getting a bit overworked. Enjoy your naps and ask for more cookies! 😀

    Sending you many hugs,



  5. It sounds like maybe Vermin should take over the campaign while you take care of yourself Dennis, we are sending lots of Lhasa love your way!!
    Dory and Mama Beth


  6. I just saw the rest of this post with Dennis’ echo on it, it is an impressive one. (I see a lot of them) Hopefully the ACE is making him feel better along with his treatments. Keep on truckin’ Dennis, you are our favorite troublemaker 🙂
    Marty’s Mom and the Gang


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