Poll Position

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Mouse: “Are you all right, Dennis? You look a little flushed.”
Dennis: “I’m fine. It’s just the Kung Pao.”
Mouse: “I’m sure your mama will be thrilled to have all her clothes smelling like Chinese takeout.”
Dennis: “Ha ha ha! So am I!”

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Damage Control

dennis_daily_rag

Newspaper Clipping: “Furry Party Campaign In Disarray As Infighting Continues
By A. NEWSHOUND

The longshot fifth-party cam- paign of Dennis the Vizsla’s Furry Party was thrown into turmoil this week as Dennis’s long-time campaign manager Producer Smurf clashed with new adviser Vizzini the Sicilian and Vizzini’s cat. Meanwhile, Furry vice-presidential candidate Vermin, going off-message, claims that she and the candidate are being stalked by evil clowns.”

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I, SAYA THE MIGHTY, AM LEARNING TO STACK AND GAIT!

Greetings, quivering civilians!  Saya the Mighty here, reporting from points north, to let everyone know I am still doing well, and am taking on a new mission.  Having rid the world of gophers, I am now learning the finer points of stacking and gaiting.  See if I don’t!

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Power Points

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Gargamel: “As you are aware, Dennis, the path to electoral success is narrow, and victory is nearly as unlikely as winning a land war in Asia.”
Dennis: “Oh for sure! Um, what does ‘electoral’ mean, exactly?”
Gargamel: “The mouse told me you might ask that. I’ve prepared this presentation to help explain the process to you.”
Producer Smurf: “You don’t smurf me with that ‘land war in Asia’ stuff, Gargamel! You’re just quoting Vizzini!”
Producer Smurf (sotto voce to Opossum): “You’ll protect me when his cat smurfs up, right, vice-president vermin?”
Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty smurf! Stop calling me ‘vermin’!  And get off my head!”

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Gargamel: “As you can see, the election begins with a hopeful idyll, in a mushroom village out in the woods. We call this the ‘New Hampshire Primary’.”
Producer Smurf: “Ahhhh! There’s the cat! Stoner dog! Bark at Azrael and smurf him away!”
Spicoli: “Dude. Wag more, bark less. Besides, I don’t see any cat.”
Opossum (thinking):  “HISSS! I swear this table is haunted. It always shows that man’s reflection.”

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Gargamel: “Next it moves on to a flat prairie with a backdrop of distant mountains. Yet the energy meeter remains high. We call this the ‘Iowa Caucus’.”
Producer Smurf: “Ahhhhhh! Now Azrael is smurfing under the table! Dog! Smurf something! Earn your campaign pay!”
Spicoli: “Dude, what is this campaign pay of which you speak? And I still don’t see a cat.”
Pennywise’s Reflection: “We all meet down here. That’s all we do. Meetings. Meetings. Mettings. Meetings. Meetings. Meetings.”

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Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty evil clown reflection! I don’t want to go to your meetings!”
Producer Smurf: “I’m telling you, Azrael is under the table and is smurfing over here to smurf me!”
Spicoli: “Dude, I’m not sure who sounds more paranoid, you or the opossum.”
Mouse: “The opossum.”
Gargamel: “But as the season progresses things start to become grim. The landscape darkens in the distance. Enemies appear.”

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Gargamel: “Soon it seems as if you are trapped in an interminable election dungeon, beset from all sides by smears and mud-slinging, wondering if it will ever end.”
Pennywise’s Reflection: “… and we meet and meet and meet and …”
Opossum: “Aaaaaiiiiieeee!”
Producer Smurf: “AHHHHH! You must see the cat now! He’s smurfing up your face!”
Spicoli: <snoring>

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Producer Smurf: “AHHH! Cat! Cat! Smurf away! Caaaattt!”
Opossum: “AHHH! Clown! Clown! Run away! Cloowwwnn!”
Gargamel: “Until finally you get to the end and, mmmm! Come to Gargamel, you delicious smurf! Um, I mean, there’s a giant skull and everyone dies. The end.”

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Mr. Nibbles: “Mr. Vizzini, it seems to me that your ‘presentation’ was just a play-through of a smurf video game.”
Gargamel: “Nonsense! Next, I will demonstrate how Dennis will have to deal with Congress after he has been elected …”
Mouse: “That went even better than I hoped it would.”
Spicoli: “Dude, where did you find these guys?”
Mouse: “Patches and his cat live in Humboldt County. They think it’s still 1983 so they work cheap.”
Spicoli: “And the evil clown?”
Mouse: “What evil clown?”