Poll Position


Mouse: “Are you all right, Dennis? You look a little flushed.”
Dennis: “I’m fine. It’s just the Kung Pao.”
Mouse: “I’m sure your mama will be thrilled to have all her clothes smelling like Chinese takeout.”
Dennis: “Ha ha ha! So am I!”


Mouse: “Well, I’ve got good news for you. Since your campaign has pretty much fallen apart and you’ve been at 0% in the polls for weeks, I took the liberty of laying off Patches―uhh, I mean, Vizzini―and the rest of your ‘staff’. Just put your paw print on this document to withdraw from the race. Then you can go back to being a normal dog. Or, well, being a dog, anyway.”

But then …


Spicoli: “Dude, you just got a letter inviting you to participate in the debates. Apparently you’re at 95% in all the latest national polls.”
Dennis: “I am? Woo hoo! Go me! 95% is higher than 0%, right?”
Mouse: “What?! That’s not even remotely possible! Somebody’s tampering with the polls!”

Meanwhile, somewhere in Russia …

putin_dogs_pokerRussian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as per your request, all American pollsters are now reporting that the dog has an overwhelming lead.”
Vladimir Putin: “Excellent. At least the debate will be worth watching now.”
Dog #1: “Come on, Vladimir. Are you in or are you out?”
Vladimir Putin: “I am in. I see your biscuit and raise you three fish skins.”
Dog #2: “Too rich for my blood! I roll over and show my belly!”
Dog #3: “I think you meant to say ‘fold.'”

Back at Furry Party HQ …


Spicoli: “Dude, not cool. You told me you would save me some takeout.”
Mouse: “Dennis, I strongly advise you to forget the debate and put your paw print on this document.”
Dennis: “I’m going to have to get ready fast! I need debate prep partners! Where am I going to find people who can convincingly play the parts of my opponents … ?”

Soon …


Dennis: “Thanks for coming out to help me prep for the debates, guys! It’ll be just like old times when we used to be judges together!
Simon: “Well, Dennis, I can’t think of anyone less qualified to be President than you. Except of course for all the other candidates.”
Producer Smurf: “All of you smurf down! I’m the pretend moderator so nobody smurfs except to smurf the answer to a question I smurf them! The first question is for pretend candidate Paula. Pretend candidate Paula, will you smurf out on a date with me?”
Paula: “No.”
Producer Smurf: “Oh, so sorry! The correct answer was ‘yes.'”

14 thoughts on “Poll Position

  1. We had thought about pawing out of the debate tomorrow night, but we will be there at full attention now!!!

    Woos – Ciara and Lightning


  2. Dennis. you totally have our vote, whether Putin has rigged the polls or not!

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Daisy (who is probably still too young to vote, but we’re thinking your friends could help with that!)


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