Poll Position


Mouse: “Are you all right, Dennis? You look a little flushed.”
Dennis: “I’m fine. It’s just the Kung Pao.”
Mouse: “I’m sure your mama will be thrilled to have all her clothes smelling like Chinese takeout.”
Dennis: “Ha ha ha! So am I!”


Mouse: “Well, I’ve got good news for you. Since your campaign has pretty much fallen apart and you’ve been at 0% in the polls for weeks, I took the liberty of laying off Patches―uhh, I mean, Vizzini―and the rest of your ‘staff’. Just put your paw print on this document to withdraw from the race. Then you can go back to being a normal dog. Or, well, being a dog, anyway.”

But then …


Spicoli: “Dude, you just got a letter inviting you to participate in the debates. Apparently you’re at 95% in all the latest national polls.”
Dennis: “I am? Woo hoo! Go me! 95% is higher than 0%, right?”
Mouse: “What?! That’s not even remotely possible! Somebody’s tampering with the polls!”

Meanwhile, somewhere in Russia …

putin_dogs_pokerRussian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as per your request, all American pollsters are now reporting that the dog has an overwhelming lead.”
Vladimir Putin: “Excellent. At least the debate will be worth watching now.”
Dog #1: “Come on, Vladimir. Are you in or are you out?”
Vladimir Putin: “I am in. I see your biscuit and raise you three fish skins.”
Dog #2: “Too rich for my blood! I roll over and show my belly!”
Dog #3: “I think you meant to say ‘fold.'”

Back at Furry Party HQ …


Spicoli: “Dude, not cool. You told me you would save me some takeout.”
Mouse: “Dennis, I strongly advise you to forget the debate and put your paw print on this document.”
Dennis: “I’m going to have to get ready fast! I need debate prep partners! Where am I going to find people who can convincingly play the parts of my opponents … ?”

Soon …


Dennis: “Thanks for coming out to help me prep for the debates, guys! It’ll be just like old times when we used to be judges together!
Simon: “Well, Dennis, I can’t think of anyone less qualified to be President than you. Except of course for all the other candidates.”
Producer Smurf: “All of you smurf down! I’m the pretend moderator so nobody smurfs except to smurf the answer to a question I smurf them! The first question is for pretend candidate Paula. Pretend candidate Paula, will you smurf out on a date with me?”
Paula: “No.”
Producer Smurf: “Oh, so sorry! The correct answer was ‘yes.'”

14 thoughts on “Poll Position

  1. The OP Pack says:

    We had thought about pawing out of the debate tomorrow night, but we will be there at full attention now!!!

    Woos – Ciara and Lightning


  2. Dennis. you totally have our vote, whether Putin has rigged the polls or not!

    *kissey face*
    -Fiona and Daisy (who is probably still too young to vote, but we’re thinking your friends could help with that!)


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