Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, per your instructions, we have modified the instant poll software for the American Presidential debate.”
Vladimir Putin: “Excellent. Now leave me alone with my Precious for a bit. I just fished it out of the lava pool into which some fool dropped it.”

Meanwhile …

Moderator: “Our first question is, how would you deal with the threat posed by ISIS?”
Donald Trump: “I have a plan. Some say it’s the best plan they’ve ever seen. But I’m not going to tell you what it is on national TV. People might be watching.”
Hillary Clinton: “With these HK drones. Now I know what you’re thinking: ‘Ahh, Skynet!’ But don’t worry, we call this system ‘NetSky’. Completely different.”
Dennis: “Why is everyone so worried about Isis? According to Dada’s reference book, she’s Neutral Good.”

Moderator: “Next, we have a question about how you would deal with taxes.”
Donald Trump: “I pay taxes. I pay lots of taxes. Just the other day I bought a pack of gum and there was sales tax on it. On gum. Why is there sales tax on gum? Gum is food. So shameful.”
Hillary Clinton: “I’m sure I could find something to spend them on.”
Dennis: “Probably not very well, but I don’t need to. Mama and Dada always drive me, so I have never had to take a taxi.”

Moderator: “Next, the audience would like to know what you would do about the Russian hacking and other meddling in this election.”
Donald Trump (with Russian accent): “Russians our good friends. No need to worry about hacking.”
Hillary Clinton (with Russian accent): “Yes surely is other things to discuss.”
Dennis (with Russian accent): “Bigger issue is why so hard to find Russian dressing in American grocery stores? Is conspiracy.”

Moderator: “We seem to have had a bit of an audio glitch on that last question. Speaking of audio glitches, I think it’s time to discuss a certain video clip that has been dominating the news lately.”
Donald Trump: “That wasn’t me on those tapes or bothering those women. It was Alec Baldwin dressed up as me. He does it constantly. He wants to be me. Some say the film ‘Single White Female’ was based on his bizarre obsession with me. Pathetic, really.”
Hillary Clinton: “Donald is right behind me, isn’t he?”
Dennis: “Personally, I don’t see why anyone would even want to grab a cat without permission. If you do that, you deserve to get all clawed up.”

(dead silence)

Dennis: “What? That’s what Trouble the Kitty would have done if somebody grabbed her.”
Donald Trump: “You heard it folks. The dog said it. Not me.”
Mouse: “Oh, the humanity.”

Soon …