The World Stage


Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin, as you commanded, we have conducted a massive DDoS strike against the American internet, yet news of the dog’s faux paw continues to spread.”
Vladimir Putin: “I want that dog in the White House. Stage an attack to generate sympathy for him.”
Russian Hacker: “As you command, Lord Putin. By the way, did you see what we did there? ‘Faux paw’? Are we not so very clever?”
Vladimir Putin: “Yes. You are hilarious. Now if you will excuse me, I am about to crack some eggs so that my short order cook can make me an omelet.”

Meanwhile …


Ron Burgundy: “Mr. Smurf, has your candidate basically conceded the cat vote at this point?”
Producer Smurf: “No no no! Dennis smurfs cats. Nobody smurfs cats are smurfier than Dennis does.”
Dennis: “So, uh, was that bad? That was bad, right?”
Mouse: “Well, it wasn’t good.”
Opossum: “Fly away, eagle! Fly me to Mount Doom!”


Spicoli: “Hey, that orange dude is out front trying to deport a taco truck! Let’s go raid it for nachos!”
Mr. Nibbles: “Mr. Spicoli! I’m surprised you would be so opportunistic!”
Spicoli: “Dude. I’m a dog. The only thing more opportunistic than me is a cat, and maybe that possum.”
Ron Burgundy: “Did I just hear your candidate’s close friend making another remark about cats?”
Producer Smurf: “No no no. Dennis doesn’t even know that dog. We’ve never smurfed him before.”


Opossum: “Come on, eagle! Get me out of here!”
Gary Johnson: “Mmm, delicious fresh nachos!”
Spicoli: “Gary Johnson?! Dude! Not cool! I called dibs on those!”
Dennis: “Ha ha ha! Gary Johnson is always one step ahead of you, Spicoli!”
Ron Burgundy: “Your candidate sure does seem familiar with that other dog, Mr. Smurf.”
Producer Smurf: “No no no! Dennis is just easily swayed. He smurfed the guinea pig say ‘Spicoli’ so he said ‘Spicoli’ too. Watch, I’ll prove it.”


Ron Burgundy: “What are you going to prove, Mr. Smurf?”
Producer Smurf: “Just watch. I’ll smurf something and Dennis will smurf it up and smurf the same thing. He can’t help himself.”
Spicoli: “Man, that Gary Johnson keeps bogarting my stuff. I’ll be glad when this campaign is over.”
Mouse: “You and 200 million other people, Spicoli.”

But suddenly …


Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Nobody move! This is a ninja hedgehog raid! Which has in no way been paid for or orchestrated by Russia!”
Dennis: “AAAAIIIIEEEE! Ninja hedgehogs!”
Producer Smurf: “AAAAIIIIEEEE! Ninja hedgehogs!”
Ron Burgundy: “This is Ron Burgundy reporting on a developing situation at the Presidential debate. Don’t worry, America, protecting my hair and face will be my #1 priority here today.”
Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty useless eagle! I kill you and wear you as a hat!”
Mouse (thinking): “None of this would have happened if Trixie were here …”


Newspaper Clipping: “Chaos erupted at the Presidential debate today.  Once things appeared to have settled down, ninja hedgehogs stormed the stage and took most of the Furry Party delegation hostage, along with noted anchorman Ron Burgundy.  At press time the ninja hedgehogs had not yet issued their demands; however, Furry Party Vice-Presidential nominee Vermin, hiding in an undisclosed location within the forum, did issue a statement saying she was prepared to take over at the top of the ticket should anything befall her running mate, and that she would be showing off a new hat at her next press conference.”

20 thoughts on “The World Stage

  1. Dory says, she is with Mouse….but us guys just know you can get yourself out of this mess Dennis…right??
    Jakey, Arty & Bilbo


  2. OMP! You crack us up here at the Hotel Thompson my dear friend. Love this – way more entertaining than the real ‘debates’ for sure. I told mom/dad to write you in bro when they vote. DENNIS FOR PRESIDENT! XOXO – Bacon


  3. Haha, definitely you and 200 million other people, Spicoli!! (I already voted by mail last week, so I wish I could somehow stop seeing the news and ads and getting all the political mail!)


    1. hello princess leah its dennis the vizsla dog hay shoor of korse yoo kan vote!!! yoo may be in the mithikal land of the uk and i may be running in the us but us dogs ar sittizens of the wurld so we kan vote ennyware!!! ok bye


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