Die Hard With Opossum


Norman #1: “I disabled the wi-fi Norman.”
Norman #2:”Good work, Norman.”
Ron Burgundy: “This situation has gotten very, very serious.”
Producer Smurf: “No smurfing, really?”
Ron Burgundy: “Yes. I can’t post to Instagram or Twitter or live-stream to Facebook.”
Mouse: “Say, who’s the new ninja hedgehog?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “That’s Norman. He has a cannon on his head.”
Mouse: “Really? Are you sure he didn’t just get his face stuck in a toilet paper roll?”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence!”
Opossum (thinking from inside air shaft): “HISSS! Come to the coast, there’ll be a debate, we’ll have a few laughs …”


Secret Service #1 (over earpiece): “Vice-Presidential candidate Vermin? This is the Secret Service. Do you copy? Over.”
Opossum: “HISSS! Nasty liars! If you’re the ‘Secret’ Service, why are you telling me who you are? And stop calling me ‘Vermin’ or I kill you! I kill you all!”
Secret Service #2: “Yeah, I’d say she copies …”


Secret Service #1: “This channel is completely secure, Verm―uh, Ms. Vice-Presidential candidate.”
Opossum:  “HISSS! Yeah, sure it is! Why are you bothering me, anyway?”
Secret Service #1: “The terrorists who are holding Dennis and the others hostage have disabled the wi-fi and video in the auditorium. We need you to go back to the air vent grate and be our eyes and ears.”
Opossum: “HISSS! Why would I want to do that? I like it here. There are cobwebs full of delicious spiders.”
Secret Service #2: “Don’t you want to help rescue your running mate and all your friends?”



Secret Service #1: “Vermin? We’re having trouble reading you. There’s some sort of echoing interference.”
Secret Service #2: “I think that’s hysterical laughter.”

Meanwhile …


Russian Hacker: “Lord Putin? We are picking up transmissions from the American Secret Service. They are attempting to use the opossum to defuse the hostage situation we created.”
Vladimir Putin: “I am on my way to deal with it personally. This American super-hero Spiderman has been irritating me. You will drain his bank account and divert the money to mine.”
Russian Hacker (typing): “Done, Lord Putin! Your net worth has increased from $100 billion to $100 billion 87 cents.”
Vladimir Putin (slight pause): “I see. Please send Iron Man to fight me, then hack HIS bank account.”
Spider-man: “AAAAIIIEEE!”

Soon …


The Daily Bugle Article: “Inside sources tell the Daily Bugle that Spider-Man, the so-called hero, is in fact a rabid Vladimir Putin supporter who has donated his entire fortune to the Russian strongman, helping to bankroll hacking and related nefarious activities. The wall-crawler could not be reached for comment. In other news, the terrorists holding Furry Party candidate Dennis the Vizsla released their demands, which include a ransom of $100 million, payable in mealworms.”


13 thoughts on “Die Hard With Opossum

  1. Dennis the VIszla, your stories are almost too exciting for a humble and simple cat. Do you know, Dennis, that Mr. Putin lives behind our eastern border and Finland was a part os Russia until the year 1917, when they gave us our independency, no war at all, but the Finns started a terrible war agains each other, the reason was , of course, who gets the power.
    a cat in faraway Finland.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. dorysbackyard says:

    Oh Dennis, I think this may have gotten a bit out of control….maybe we can get Angel Trixie down here?? On the upside, Mama says thank you for the much needed Sunday giggles!


hello nice reeder its dennis the vizsla dog hay leev me a peemail if yoo want to!!! ok bye

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