hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay i am tayking a kwik brayk frum owr meeting with the big skarry bird to diskuss sum importent topiks naymly perry-o and cardy-o!!! now of korse evrywun nos cardy-o is verry importent and wun of the primary keys to servival in the eevent of natcheral disasters sutch as a zombee apokalips check it owt!!!
yes as we lernd frum the faymus dokyoomentry zombieland the primary rool of survival is cardy-o!!! unfortchoonatly that may be a problim for me becuz as yoo may reemember it wuz reeveeld dooring my faild prezidenshul run that i hav a grayd five hart mermer!!! the last time i got it chekd owt wuz in oktober wen it wuz fownd that i had sum mild hart enjardjment wel i hav gawn for another reechek after that on akkownt of i aparently need serdjeree nekst week to deel with sumything kalld a perry o’dontal absess i do not no hoo perry o’dontal is sum sort of irishman wot diskoverd absesses i gess!!! but ennyway this week it wuz off to the cardy o’logist another irishman to find owt how my hart is dooing!!!
no we wer not going to the park unless the parking lot is a park!!! wich it is not!!! wot it is is a hotbed of snayk aktivitee!!!
yoo see??? they eeven hav a snayk on there sine!!! but fortchoonatly i did not see enny snayks arownd i did git kawt up on peemail befor going inside tho!!!
sadly i cud not hayng arownd the peemail server all morning on akkownt of dada sed i had to go inside to a rum and git eksamind!!! i had anuther sugjestchun for wot we mite do tho!!!
but krool krool dada wood not let me lie in wayt for pizza insted we had to go inside for my cardy-o eksam!!! this involvd a lot of sitting arownd on my mat and wayting!!! and also a fyoo beeseetching luks wot did not wurk on krool krool dada!!!
oh my gosh wot is that thing on the wall?!?!?!?
dada dada dada dada dada wot is that thing dada????
but krool krool dada stil wood not let me leev!!! he insisted i had to git lukd at by cardy o’logist the irishman!!! but yoo kan rest ashoord that i wuz not going to let enny cardy o’logists sneek up on me!!!
however despite the snayks and the disembodeed dog heds and all the peemail and the suspishus doorway i did manadj to keep it toogether like a gud boy becuz i had my mat i had my treets and i had the speerit of my feerless brother tucker to help me owt!!!
so i brayvd the majikal ekkokardy o’gram masheen anuther irishman and the cardy o’logist wuz aybel to get a nice gud luk at my hart!!! i do not hav the majikal animayted pikchers of my hart to show yoo yet but he did say the mermer is mostly the saym as it wuz in oktober however my affekted ventrikul has gottin lardjer frum 3.9 cent o’meters anuther irishman in oktober to 4.3 cent o’meters an eeven bigger irishman now!!! aparently its gud to hav a big hart metaforikly speeking but not so gud to hav a big hart fizzikly speeking and so that meens that befor the serdjeree i must start a noo medikayshun to help preevent hart faylyoor the noo medikayshun is kalld pim o’bendan anuther irishman!!!
holy kow thoze pils ar hyoodj!!! fortchoonatly they ar also delishus!!! om nom nom!!! ennyway the cardy o’logist and all his helpers wot her probly leprekawns givin all the irishness arownd tooday sed that theez pils hav ben shown to stayv off hart faylyoor for up to fifteen munths!!! i am not entirely shoor wot hart faylyoor is on akkownt of dada wil not tel me but wotever it is fifteen munths is a pritty long time for a ten and a haff yeer old dog rite??? so wunse dada kollekted the bottel of jiant horse pils it wuz time to git bak in the kar!!! this time to go home!!! at leest if dada nos wot is gud for him!!!
and it wuz time to go home!!! see i wuz a verry gud and brayv boy and totaly deeservd all those gizzards!!! so ennyway the upshot of all that is that altho their is sum risk i am helthy enuf to hav the an … anesth … wel ennyway i am helthy enuf to be put under and hav the serdjery to fiks my perry o’dontal another irishman problim!!! so thats a gud thing and — hay wayt a minnit serdjery mite meen the kone of shaym!!! krool krool dada!!!
wun wud think that with al these irishmen arownd sum of the lukk of the irish wood rub off on me and i wood not need the perry o’dontal but aparently the lukk of the irish duz not ekstend to gum dizeez!!! i wil reeport bak after the proseedjer in a week or so and let yoo no how it went and if i fownd a pot of gold ennyware!!! ok bye