hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog hay as yoo may rekall i hav in the past tried varyus kareers inklooding beeing tuckers food tayster and selling majik flying koasters and trying to help hinja hedjhogs reeform and beeing a grooming inspektor but i hav stil not kwite fownd the rite kareer for me and for a wile i thawt maybe vizsla dogs cud not hav reel jobs however reesently i hav seen varyus nooz artikuls abowt vizsla dogs akting as bom sniffing dogs and as sertch and reskyew dogs chek it owt!!!
odey the bom sniffing vizsla dog!!!
a vizsla dog dooing reskyews in the mithikal land of meksiko!!!
so obviusly it is posibul for vizsla dogs to hav a job!!! and so along with my assistent mr nibbles i hav deesided to sit down and figyoor owt wot jobs i mite be aybel to do to help bring in sum green paypers!!!
Mr. Nibbles: “Hello, Mr. Dennis! I’m glad you’ve finally decided to take me up on my offer to help you with your career options!”
Dennis: “Hi Mr. Nibbles! Say, why is that camera pointed at me?”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m recording our session for training purposes. You don’t have to look at the camera the whole time.”
Dennis: “Oh okay. I won’t!”
now sinse vizsla dogs hav ben in the nooz laytly for there abilitee to smel maybe i cud be a bom sniffing dog or a dog wot snuffels arownd in rekkadj lukking for peepul!!! after all tucker had the best nose ever and he wuz my brother so that must meen i hav the best nose ever too rite???
Mr. Nibbles: “Well. unfortunately, Dennis, genetically speaking, Tucker was not your brother. And as part of my prep work I’ve done some research and I’m afraid that by dog standards, your ability to smell is pretty terrible. Even the kittens smell better than you.”
Producer Smurf: “If you smurf me, Dennis’s ability to smell is amazing! Especially if he eats something he’s not supposed to, or something scares me and he smurfs his anal glands!”
Dennis: “Thank you, Producer Smurf! Wait, what?”
well its troo that my nose isnt all that grayt and maybe its troo that wen mama tosses me a kibbel i kannot find it eeven if it is rite in frunt of me and maybe its troo that wile i am lukking for the kibbel chaplin mite come along and snif it owt and eet it but stil if a do a lot of praktiss i bet i cud stil snif boms and kontraband and find trappd peepul rite???
Mr. Nibbles: “Aside from needing to be able to find things by smell, Dennis, to do those jobs, you would need to be able to cope with stressful and possibly dangerous situations, like busy airports and damaged, unstable buildings and such.”
Producer Smurf: “And you would have to leave the house!”
Dennis: “I would have to leave the house?!”
ok so maybe on akkownt of having to leev the howse a job as a bom or persun sniffing dog wood not be rite for me however i hav another ideea for wot i cud be i cud be an ankzietee kownselor!!! no wun is better kwalified then me for that job!!!
Mr. Nibbles: “That’s an interesting idea, Dennis. Studies have shown that visiting with and petting dogs is good for reducing anxiety in―”
Dennis: “Oh yeah, if people don’t know what to be anxious about, there’s nobody better than me to counsel them on it! They can be anxious about dogs they don’t know, dogs they do know, loud noises, soft noises, excessive silence, people moving in a suspicious manner, people not moving, the diswhasher, rain, wind, the dark …”
Dennis: “Oh yes, clowns!”
Producer Smurf: “Dennis, I think you’ve finally smurfed a job that you’re qualified to do!”
so wot do yoo think mr nibbles shud i go playse a craigslist ad advertizing my servisses as an ankzietee kownselor now???
Mr. Nibbles: “Generally speaking, Dennis, people don’t go to an anxiety counselor because they are looking for more reasons to be anxious.”
Dennis: “Oh sure, not generally. But sometimes, right? It’s a specialized niche.”
Mr. Nibbles: “More like a nonexistent one, I’m afraid.”
Producer Smurf: “You would smurf new meaning to ‘therapy dog’, Dennis! The new meaning being ‘dog who needs therapy’. Ha ha ha!”
Mr. Nibbles: “Excuse me a moment, Dennis …”
hmm i wunder ware mr nibbles is going!!! maybe he is going to luk up mor jobs wot i cud do!!!
Producer Smurf: “Wow, Dennis, even the relentlessly optimistic Mr. Nibbles can’t smurf a job for you! It’s like you’ve smurfed a new world record in being unqualified!”
Dennis: “Do you get paid for setting world records?”
Producer Smurf: “Do you smell hay?”
Dennis: “No, I don’t smell a thing.”
Producer Smurf: “Aaaiiiieeee!”
Producer Smurf: “Somebody smurf this thing off of me!”
Mr. Nibbles: “So, Dennis. Normally we don’t see career opportunities in picking up bales of timothy hay, but it just so happens that such a position has recently become available …”
Dennis: “Can I think about it for a few weeks and get back to you?”
Spicoli: “Whoa, dude! How much for the primo bale of talking ‘timothy hay’?”
see i noo i cud kownt on mr nibbles to find sumthing for me to do!!! ok bye