Shaken Not Stirred

James Bond: “Stand back, my furry little friends. These creatures are dangerous!”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “So, Mr. Bond, you thought you could blow up our mealworm vats and not pay the price? Think again.”
Dennis: “I haven’t done anything to your mealworm vats. Lately. And why are you calling me Mr. Bond? The guy in the tuxedo is Mr. Bond. The guy who isn’t Chaplin, I mean.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Silence, hound! No one is talking to you.”
Chaplin: “Should we pounce on them, Charlee? I think we should pounce on them.”
Charlee: “Yes, we should definitely pounce on them.”
Mouse: “You two do realize the ninja hedgehogs are pointing a cannon at us, right?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s too bad Miss Trixie wasn’t born yet in 1986. Miss Trixie always knew how to handle ninja hedgehogs.”

James Bond: “Those mealworm vats were unlicensed and unsanitary. Plus larvae skeeve me out.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “They’re mealworms! We do not need a license from your silly government to grow mealworms! And what you call ‘unsanitary’ we call ‘delicious’.”
Dennis: “And another thing. You’re doing this whole thing wrong. You never just walk in and talk like that. You always hop over the fence or whatever and shout, ‘Nobody move! This is a ninja hedgehog raid!'”
Mr. Nibbles: “Dennis, I don’t think these ninja hedgehogs know who you are.”
Chaplin: “What cannon? That looks like a toilet paper tube to me.”
Charlee: “Toilet paper tubes are fun to bat around.”
Mouse: “I’m telling you, it’s a cannon. It shoots rolled-up pillbugs.”

Dennis: “Ha ha ha! Mr. Nibbles, don’t be silly! Of course the ninja hedgehogs know who I am! We’re arch-nemeses.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Yes, I know, but this is twenty years before you were born, so I don’t think you all have met yet.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Listen, hound, your little badger or whatever is right. We’ve never seen you before. Now stop interrupting me while I’m trying to have evil banter with Mr. Bond.”
James Bond: “Tread carefully, Dennis. I think you’re annoying them.”
Chaplin: “Pillbugs? Aren’t those the things that turn themselves into little balls?”
Charlee: “Pillbugs are fun to bat around!”
Mouse: “Maybe they are, but not when somebody shoots them at your face.”

Dennis: “Oh annoying ninja hedgehogs is like my specialty! Like when I stopped them from setting fires all around the county! Or the time I busted up their illegal textbook reselling ring! Or the time I caught them trying to sabotage the Mango Minster flyball tournament!”
Mr. Nibbles: “Those were great wins, Dennis, but I think maybe they were all either accidental or Miss Trixie did them.”
Dennis: “You remember it your way and I’ll remember it mine, okay?”
James Bond: “Who is this ‘Miss Trixie’ you keep referring to? She sounds like a girl I should like to meet.”
Mouse: “Cool your jets, there, Bond. You’re barking up the wrong tree. Literally.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Boys, this hound sounds like trouble. Let’s take him into custody along with the pervy British spy. A few years working in the mealworm vats will serve them both right.”
Chaplin: “Ready, Charlee? Let’s go on three.”
Charlee: “Okay, Chaplin!”

Charlee: “One―”
Chaplin: “Attack!!!”
James Bond: “Ah, the impetuousness of youth.”

Charlee: “Chaplin! We were supposed to go on three, not on one!”
Chaplin: “Sorry, Charlee! I got impatient!”
Ninja Hedgehog: “Ahh! Norman! Get them off me!”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Norman! Cease fire! The roly-polies are just getting these crazy cats more worked up!”
Mouse: “Oh, the hedgemanity.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Should we go help them?”
Dennis: “Which ones? Charlee and Chaplin, or the ninja hedgehogs?”
James Bond: “Well it looks like your tuxedoed friends have this well in hand. What say the rest of us go get martinis and you can tell me more about this mysterious Miss Trixie?”
Mouse: “Seriously, Bond. Just stop.”

Meanwhile (sort of) …

Producer Smurf: “Ooh, smurfy car! I call dibs on smurfing in the cup holder!”
Spicoli: “Say, dude, what’s this aftermarket accessory here?”
James Bond: “It’s a rear spoiler. Hop in.”

10 thoughts on “Shaken Not Stirred

  1. We fully expected the Hipsters to save the day. I mean, clearly James wasn’t going to do it and Dennis, well, you obviously had other things on your mind….

    *kissey face*
    -Saint Fiona the Patient, Crazy Daisy, and Lucy-Fur


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