Lo Panning Negotiations

Mr. Nibbles: “Thanks for asking me to handle these negotiations. Let’s start by setting expectations. Lo Pan, what would you like to get out of these discussions?”
Lo Pan: “I would like to get these cats off my head.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Well, that’s something we can―”
Lo Pan: “Also to marry a girl with green eyes.”
Mr. Nibbles: “I don’t think we can provide match making services―”
Lo Pan: “And to have my revenge on Jack Burton and Dennis the Vizsla! Hee hee hee!”
Mr. Nibbles: “I’m pretty sure Dennis isn’t going to agree to that last one. Also, who’s Jack Burton?”
Jack Burton: “Jack Burton. Me.”
Dennis: “Hey, Jack. Long time no see.
Jack Burton: “‘Sup, Dennis.”

Mr. Nibbles: “Dennis, you should have told me there was another stakeholder coming before we started.”
Dennis: “Stakeholders?! Aaaaiieeee! Nobody told me we were going to be fighting vampires today!”
Jack Burton: “Vampires? Bring ’em on, I say.”
Lo Pan: “Shut up, Mr. Burton!”
Mr. Nibbles: “Dennis, it’s not that kind of stake. Jack, chill out. Lo Pan, please don’t tell your negotiation partners to shut up.”

Lo Pan (sotto voce): “I’ll tell Mr. Burton to shut up if I want to. Mutter mutter.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Now then, Dennis, what would you like to get out of these negotiations?”
Dennis: “Umm, I don’t know. A cookie?”
Jack Burton: “Think bigger, Dennis. Not just one cookie. Ask for a whole plate of cookies.”
Dennis: “A whole plate of cookies!”
Vermin: “Such a manly opossum on that person’s head! I wonder if he would go out on a date with me …”

Mr. Nibbles: “Charlee and Chaplin, what would you like to get out of these negotiations?”
Charlee: “We wrote a haiku about it!”
Chaplin: “Negotiation? / For cats, the goal is simple. / Who’s up highest, wins.”
Jack Burton: “I like your new cat friends, Dennis. They don’t beat around the bush.”

Mr. Nibbles: “Okay. And finally, you, Jack Burton. What do you want out of these negotiations?”
Jack Burton: “I just want my truck back.”
Mr. Nibbles: “All right. And, um, where is your truck? Who has it?”
Jack Burton: “If I knew that, I would have it back already.”
Vermin: “Hello, handsome Jack! Would you like to come listen to a record of songs about opossums?”

Meanwhile …

Producer Smurf: “Smurfy truck. Where’d you smurf it?”
Spicoli: “Some dude abandoned it at the Panda Express. Let’s open it up and see how many pork chops it has inside.”

11 Comments on “Lo Panning Negotiations

  1. Somehow we just knew that Spicoli and Prof. Smurf would be involved.

    Woos – Lightning, Misty, and Timber


  2. Snorts and rolls with piggy laughter. Did I see Porkchop Express there? My dad has that t-shirt. LOVE IT!! XOXO – Bacon


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