Lo Pan Range

Bugs Bunny: “So you say you got set up by this Lo Pan, eh? I don’t know that guy. I usually have to put up with jokers like Elmer Fudd or Yosemite Sam. Is this Lo Pan like either of those maroons?”
Dennis: “Yep, he’s exactly like them. Except taller. And with magical powers. And a criminal empire. And, uh, legitimately dangerous.”
Producer Smurf: “I think what Dennis is smurfing to smurf is that Lo Pan smurfs nothing like those smurfs.”
Bugs Bunny: “Yeah, no kidding, Doc! He sounds more like yours truly!”
Spicoli: “The worst part of this whole thing was watching Lo Pan eat all our pork chops after we got arrested.”
Jack Burton: “You mean my pork chops.”
Spicoli: “Dude. Not the time to nitpick.”

Bugs Bunny: “Hmm, I could use a challenge. Things have been kinda boring around here lately.”
Dennis: “Well I brought a book of New York Times crossword puzzles if you want to take a crack at them.”
Bugs Bunny: “I was thinking more along the lines of busting out of here and solving your Lo Pan problem, Doc! Who’s in?”
Charlee & Chaplin: “We are! We are!”
Jack Burton: “Count me in. He’s got my truck.”
Vermin: “HISS! Me too! Me too! Us cats have got to stick together!”
Mouse: “You’re not a cat!”
Spicoli: “Dude, would you really rather continue to share a cell with Vermin, or … ?”
Mouse: “Go get him, Vermin! More power to you!”

Soon …

Mouse: “I’m a little bit surprised that someone of your, uh, written linguistic prowess is carrying around a New York Times crossword puzzle book.”
Dennis: “I’m not sure what you mean.”
Mouse: “Well it requires a lot of broad-based knowledge to do a crossword puzzle. And also you have to be able to spell.”
Dennis: “Really? I must be doing it wrong. I just shred the books. The challenging part is that they’re pretty sturdily made.”
Producer Smurf: “So is there some reason the rest of us had to smurf here instead of smurfing out with that crazy rabbit and then smurfing on home?”
Mr. Nibbles: “There’s no need to add ‘jailbreaking’ to our list of offenses, Mr. Smurf.”
Spicoli: “Yeah, dude don’t be such a smurfing criminal! Besides, according to the menu I saw, they’re serving nachos for lunch today.”

Meanwhile …

Bugs Bunny: “According to my map, we’re on Lo Pan’s estate. We just need to burrow up to his house and take him by surprise!”
Chaplin: “So you just tunnel in and out of that dungeon whenever you feel like it?”
Bugs Bunny: “Of course, Doc! Free room and board and I can come and go as I please? You can’t beat that scam! I keep waiting for Dennis to figure it out, but he never does!”
Jack Burton: “Can you clear the tunnel entrance, please? Your giant rat friend doesn’t smell great, and she keeps hitting on my amazing Jack Burton mullet.”
Vermin: “HISS! … and I loved your work in ‘Joe Dirt’, but you’ve really taken it to another level here …”
Lo Pan (thinking): “Hee hee hee!”
Charlee: “Sense of being watched. / Just paranoia? Or a / weirdo behind us?”
Chaplin: “Charlee, we’re on a secret mission. This isn’t the time to start up a haiku slam.”

11 thoughts on “Lo Pan Range

  1. I think I would rather do the New York Times crossword puzzle than try to deal with the Lo Pan problem 🙂 Have a great week!


  2. You have the right idea about crossword puzzles, D. Who needs a broad knowledge base when you have teeth and paws? Plus, either way, Bugs is calling you (and just about everybody) Doc, so that means you’re smart…. OK. Bye.

    Love and licks,


  3. Lo Pan didn’t share his pork chops with Spicoli? He is a villain! And here I thought he was just misunderstood and just wanted to be loved by a green-eyed beauty.


  4. Mom could help with that crossword puzzle – she does them all the time. And we might even be able to get her to fix up some pork chops. Maybe that would keep you all out of more trouble – good luck.

    Woos – Lightning, Misty, and Timber


  5. Kewl Haiku Charlee!!! mee finks this adventure iss goin bee weerd…oh wait….these adventuress are all ways weerd. An LadyMum finkss Jack Burton iss reelly Patrick Swayze…..mee thott hee was inn Pure Land….see what mee meenss about weerd???
    ***nose rubsss*** Purrince Siddhartha =^,.^=


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