Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another entry in my new Life Tips series. In this one, I’ll be demonstrating how you can use your dog to determine how much peril you may be in, via a series of illustrative photographs.
Now to start, I should probably clarify what I mean by “peril”. If you look up the definition on, say, Google, you’ll find something along the lines of “serious and immediate danger”, which is true, but not very specific. They could be talking about anything from squirrels in the yard to the mailman to the vacuum cleaner. These are all perils, true, but they are concrete ones and can be dealt with by, respectively, barking and chasing, barking, and running away. The specific peril I’m talking about is much more pervasive and sinister: Booms coming from outside the house. In some regions, this might be called “thunder” and blamed on atmospheric activity. In other regions, it might be credited to dwarves playing nine-pins in the mountains. Around here, where I live, it is usually dismissed as “the Marines are blowing things up again“. This proliferation of superstitious attribution is clear evidence that no one really knows what it is. Hence: Peril. Fortunately, if you have a dog, you likely have a barometer of exactly how much peril you may be in.
Now that the basics are out of the way, let’s begin.
Your dog is sleeping comfortably on her bed. You are in little to no peril and can go about your business as usual.
Your dog thinks she might have heard something. Just in case, move closer to shelter.
Okay that was definitely a boom.
A table or desk made of solid wood—such as this oak computer desk—is an ideal place to hide if you don’t have an actual bomb shelter available.
It’s not safe yet, but it’s safer. You can emerge from shelter, but don’t go too far.
As you can see, friendlies, peril is a cycle that waxes on and off, like the moon or the Karate Kid.
Now you may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have a dog, Lulu, but I do have a cat. Can my cat help me detect the stages of peril?” Unfortunately, in most cases, a cat cannot be used for this purpose. Let me bring out my sister Charlee to illustrate why.
As you can see, cats are, by and large, tiny clawed thrill-seeking maniacs and thus peril-insensitive. Otherwise you wouldn’t find them doing things like this:
I hope this helps everyone with their peril detection systems. If you aren’t able to get a dog, or you have a dog that is, for whatever reason, as peril-insensitive as a cat, you may want to consider investing in a pair of peril-sensitive sunglasses to help you detect and deal with peril. Just remember to take them off before seeking shelter or you are likely to stub a toe or trip and fall, adding a whole other layer of peril to an already perilous situation.
This is Lulu, signing off!