Lulu’s Life Tips: The Stages of Peril

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another entry in my new Life Tips series. In this one, I’ll be demonstrating how you can use your dog to determine how much peril you may be in, via a series of illustrative photographs.

Now to start, I should probably clarify what I mean by “peril”. If you look up the definition on, say, Google, you’ll find something along the lines of “serious and immediate danger”, which is true, but not very specific. They could be talking about anything from squirrels in the yard to the mailman to the vacuum cleaner. These are all perils, true, but they are concrete ones and can be dealt with by, respectively, barking and chasing, barking, and running away. The specific peril I’m talking about is much more pervasive and sinister: Booms coming from outside the house. In some regions, this might be called “thunder” and blamed on atmospheric activity. In other regions, it might be credited to dwarves playing nine-pins in the mountains. Around here, where I live, it is usually dismissed as “the Marines are blowing things up again“. This proliferation of superstitious attribution is clear evidence that no one really knows what it is. Hence: Peril. Fortunately, if you have a dog, you likely have a barometer of exactly how much peril you may be in.

Now that the basics are out of the way, let’s begin.

STAGE ONE: NO PERIL

Your dog is sleeping comfortably on her bed. You are in little to no peril and can go about your business as usual.

STAGE TWO: WAS THAT PERIL I JUST HEARD?

Your dog thinks she might have heard something. Just in case, move closer to shelter.

 

STAGE THREE: DEFINITE PERIL DETECTED

Okay that was definitely a boom.

 

STAGE FOUR: ROOF IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. RETREAT TO SAFER LOCATION.

A table or desk made of solid wood—such as this oak computer desk—is an ideal place to hide if you don’t have an actual bomb shelter available.

STAGE FIVE: SEEK COMFORT, BUT MAKE SURE TO STAY SAFE.

If there is not enough room in your shelter for the entire family, maybe one of their hands will fit.

STAGE SIX: PERIL BECOMING LESS EXTREME. ROOF MIGHT NOT COLLAPSE. THIS TIME.

It’s not safe yet, but it’s safer. You can emerge from shelter, but don’t go too far.

 

STAGE SEVEN: PERIL ALMOST GONE. RETURN TO NORMAL ACCOMMODATIONS.



Stay curled up though. That way you present a smaller target if the booms return.

STAGE EIGHT: NO PERIL


It’s safe to show your belly to the world again.

STAGE NINE: WAS THAT PERIL I JUST HEARD?


Here we go again.

As you can see, friendlies, peril is a cycle that waxes on and off, like the moon or the Karate Kid.

Now you may be saying to yourself, “I don’t have a dog, Lulu, but I do have a cat. Can my cat help me detect the stages of peril?” Unfortunately, in most cases, a cat cannot be used for this purpose. Let me bring out my sister Charlee to illustrate why.

STAGE ONE: NO PERIL

STAGE TWO: WAS THAT PERIL I JUST HEARD?

STAGE THREE: DEFINITE PERIL DETECTED

STAGE FOUR: ROOF IN DANGER OF COLLAPSE. RETREAT TO SAFER LOCATION.

STAGE FIVE: SEEK COMFORT, BUT MAKE SURE TO STAY SAFE.

STAGE SIX: PERIL BECOMING LESS EXTREME. ROOF MIGHT NOT COLLAPSE. THIS TIME.

STAGE SEVEN: PERIL ALMOST GONE. RETURN TO NORMAL ACCOMMODATIONS.

STAGE EIGHT: NO PERIL


I was kind of looking forward to the roof collapsing. Might liven things up around here.

As you can see, cats are, by and large, tiny clawed thrill-seeking maniacs and thus peril-insensitive. Otherwise you wouldn’t find them doing things like this:


Should I jump? I think I should jump.

I hope this helps everyone with their peril detection systems. If you aren’t able to get a dog, or you have a dog that is, for whatever reason, as peril-insensitive as a cat, you may want to consider investing in a pair of peril-sensitive sunglasses to help you detect and deal with peril. Just remember to take them off before seeking shelter or you are likely to stub a toe or trip and fall, adding a whole other layer of peril to an already perilous situation.

This is Lulu, signing off!

20 Comments on “Lulu’s Life Tips: The Stages of Peril

  1. Thank you, Lulu, for this explanation. Maggie would have added stage 3.5- water involved, might have to get paws wet, seek human dry clothes to remove water.

    Like

  2. Peril-sensitive sunglasses not necessary in this house, thank you. We recognise those 9 stages, though I hadn’t counted through them before, so thanks for the run-down. I hope Lulu doesn’t have to go through that too often.

    Like

  3. Barmalei: Charlee, I am with you! I don’t understand why both girls, my sister Beba and little Pyshka run and hide under mama’s blanket or even under the bed if they think peril is great.
    Beba: Because we are scared of loud sounds! Like thunder or vacuum cleaner!
    Pyshka: Squeak!

    Like

  4. Alas, there is the occasional dog so hyper-alert that he barks at rocks.

    Like

  5. Yes Lulu, I agree! Butts, since we don’t gets many booms around here, MY peril is…beeps. Electronic beeps. Butts only SOME beeps. and only I KNOW which ones sound the alarm to peril! I will not know the ‘beep’ until I hear it and run under the said (kitchen) table of shelter!
    I gets it Lulu. I gets it.
    Kittehs…wells, they are a mystery.
    Kisses,
    Ruby ♥

    Like

  6. Thanks for the tips on avoiding peril Lulu. Around here we don’t have Marines blowing things up but we do have some neighbors that like to shoot target practice for house on end! They are far enough from our house to not cause any harm but Millie especially doesn’t like that noise.

    Like

  7. 444 pawss up fore yore Peril guide Lulu!! An not all catss are like Charlee (no offence mee frend) butt mee who iss a “CAT” iss rite WITH you Lulu!! Seereussly! UTB or UTD…even ITC if need bee…
    Oh sorry mee shudd xplane mee letturss:
    UTB iss Under THE Bed (youss’ know this one…)
    UTD iss Under THE Desk
    ITC iss Inn THE Closet
    An mee can tell you last Wednesday nite mee was UTB an ITC fore most of THE evenin with Funderstormss rollin thru’!!
    Stay safe deer frendss!!
    ***purrss*** BellaDharma

    Like

  8. I loved Charlees bit!!! Our tiny clawed thrill-seeking maniac little wonder just jumped on the standing desk this morning from a crazy hight & broke it. Naw, that didn’t make for food at 5:30 … She’ll regroup & try a new strategie tomorow …

    Like

Leave a Reply to photofinlandrantasalot.wordpress.com Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: