Live Free and Snack Hard

Chaplin: “Thank you for the elevenses, Mr. Baggins. It was delicious.”
Bilbo Baggins: “You’re welcome! Are you sure you got enough to eat? There’s still plenty of food left.”
Chaplin: “I know, but it’s mostly fruit. That stuff will kill you.”


Spicoli: “I can’t believe Tucker never told us about elevenses or even brought us back any leftovers. That’s pretty greedy behavior even by his standards!”
Bilbo Baggins: “Now, Spicoli, don’t be silly. I sent Tucker home with a wagon full of food every time he was here.”
Spicoli: “Oh, okay, then that’s … wait, you did what now?”
Bilbo Baggins: “Well he told me all about how his cruel humans never fed their animals, and how they all had to subsist on whatever crumbs they could pick out of the carpet. So I always made sure to give him plenty of food to share with his poor incompetent sister and brother.”


(cricket chirping)


Spicoli: “Yeah, okay, once again, I can see where that would be something Tucker would say …”
Bilbo Baggins: “All right then! I’ll pack you up leftovers and snacks and then call you an Uber so you can be on your way home.”
Chaplin: “Perfect! Thank you, Mr. Baggins!”

Soon …


Uber Gandalf: “Just so you know, we’re on ‘surge pricing’ rates right now.”
Spicoli: “Dude, with all these leftovers and snacks, you’re a shoo-in for the Princess Club.”
Chaplin: “Uh-huh. Sure sure.”
Peregrin Took: “Hey, can I get a ride to the Prancing Pony?”
Uber Gandalf: “Fool of a Took! Can’t you see I’ve already got passengers?”

Later …


Charlee: “Thanks for the empty box, Chaplin! It almost makes up for the last time you held me down and made me squawk.”
Chaplin: “You’re welcome. Only the best for my sister.”
Lulu: “Why is there a cranky vagrant camping out front with a wagon full of empty boxes? I asked him for a belly rub and he called me a fool of a took.”
Chaplin: “No clue. **BURP** By the way, I guess I’m not going to join the Princess Club after all.”
Spicoli: “Oh that’s our Uber driver. Hey could one of you cats knock down a box of plastic baggies? I told him I would pay him in pipe weed since we don’t have any money.”


10 thoughts on “Live Free and Snack Hard

  1. Looks like Chaplin has given up on the Princess Club but found himself a source of endless snacks. Why do we get the feeling he’s not going to tell Lulu or Charlee?? XOX Lucy and Xena (PeeS: Could we please have the address of Mr. Bilbo Baggins? We, uh, we just want to send him a little card for uh, for Hobbit Day.


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