Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another life tip! Now, you may never have noticed this, but generally barking, humans are taller than dogs. This includes humans who haven’t finished growing up yet, such as children and Peter Pan and many politicians and celebrities. This gives humans an advantage when it comes to things like putting food and treats out of reach as well as when roughousing, because they can just stand up and then you can’t bitey their hands or or their faces. Fortunately, I’m here to offer a few suggestions for leveling this playing field!
Option #1: Take a hostage
One approach to compel humans to get down on the floor where you can properly engage with them is to take a hostage. However, don’t make the same mistake Hans Gruber did ― it’s important to find a hostage that will properly motivate a human to rescue him, her, or it! Good choices are things like shoes, eyeglasses, wallets, etc. Bad choices are, it turns out, things like pink bunnies, either because the humans consider them expendable dog toys or, more likely, the humans think they’re just hallucinating and that there actually is no pink bunny there at all. (Pink elephants are an even worse choice.)
Option #2: Make a mess for them to clean up
If the humans did not fall for your hostage strategy you can try piling up a bunch of hostages, along with whatever other stuff you might be able to find and shred, then jump the humans when they kneel down to pick up after you. The success of this strategy largely depends on your humans’ tolerance for messes. (Apparently the tolerance for messes is very high around here.) Another drawback of this approach, which might be evident from my photo illustration, is that after a good session of shredding and mess-making, you might fall asleep and thus miss your chance to pounce when the human comes into range.
Chaplin: “You can thank Dennis for the high mess tolerance around here.”
Charlee: “Yeah, you’re pretty much a piker compared to him. Maybe you should try destuffing the sofa.”
Lulu: “That would be impolite.”
Option #3: Lure Them with Cuteness
Humans tend to be suckers for cute behaviors, such as rolling over on your back and doing the thing where you fold your paws over. This is always worth a try. Just don’t combine it with making a mess, because for some reason humans don’t like to lie down in messes.
Option #4: Use A Platform To Make Yourself Taller
My final suggestion is one that all the cats in the audience are probably familiar with: Rather than getting the humans to come down to your level, find a way to raise yourself up to theirs! Here’s an example of my using my humans’ bed—which is something like three feet off the ground, tall enough for me to use the underside of it as my den—in order to bring the fight directly to Dada, so to speak.
Of course, the success of this approach depends on several factors, including the height and size of the platform. Too low and you’re basically still on the ground; too small and you’re liable to fall off; too high and you either won’t be able to get to it or you risk taking a nasty tumble. It can be a little tricky, especially for smaller dogs, but if you can manage it, it can work very well.
I hope you have found these life tips helpful! Lulu, over and out!
Chaplin: “A platform three feet off the ground. That’s cute.”
Charlee: “Maybe you should try climbing up to the top of our cat tree some time.”
Lulu: “It’s ‘Lulu’s Life Tips’, not ‘Lulu’s How To Get Yourself Killed Tips’.”