Lulu’s Life Tips With Bonus Lyrics: “Boom Snack”

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, reporting from the bunker, also known as underneath Dada’s desk.

If you guessed that I’m in the bunker because the base is booming again, you’re right! At least, that’s what Dada keeps telling me the noise is. I don’t know how he knows this, since the sounds are unlike previous booms from the base—much deeper and more rumbly. He says that they must have gotten some new toys. I say that some madman is testing a weather control device and using it to make thunder. Besides, look at Dada’s socks. Just look.

What does someone wearing Big Bird socks know about military bases? Not much. So that’s one life tip: You can go to Dada for computer advice or to get something proofread, but don’t trust him when it comes to loud noises. He is way too blasé about them.

Charlee: “Are you sure about going to Dada with proofreading? Dennis never did it.”
Lulu: “Yes, so I’ve heard.”

Another thing that proves that booms may be more dangerous than Dada lets on is that, despite reassuring me that everything is fine, he still made me a cave to hide in under his “home” desk. This is in addition to my usual spot under his “work” desk. Normally that cave is where Dada puts his feet. Would he give up his foot space for me if there were no real danger? I think not.

So that’s another life tip: Your Dada is probably willing to inconvenience himself for you. Apparently he’s even willing to let the roof collapse on himself while you are safe under his desk, and the whole time he’ll pretend everything is fine so that you won’t panic.

Charlee: “It’s also possible that everything actually was fine, and that you were panicking for no good reason, and Dada was just trying to make you more comfortable.”
Lulu: “No, I’m pretty sure there was actual peril.”
Chaplin: “That’s not how we remember it.”

Another life tip: Some of your friends and/or relatives may look at you funny when you’re in your bunker. You should ignore them.

Chaplin: “Charlee, check it out. Lulu is doomsday-prepping again.”
Charlee: “Can’t, I’m busy inspecing this den that some hobo built under Dada’s desk.”

Now one thing that Mama and Dada are doing to try to help me get over my entirely-appropriate fear of booms is, they give me a piece of fish skin when a boom scares me. The idea is that I’ll start to associate booms with fish skins and then I won’t be so scared of them. The booms, I mean, not the fish skins. Sometimes I can’t eat the fish skins right away and so I accumulate them until I feel a little bit better or, you know, until one of the cats wanders by, which means I have to gobble down the fish skins before they get stolen. So I wrote a little song about that. It’s called “Boom Snack” goes to the tune of a little ditty called “Boom Clap”. First, the original:

Whoa, that’s a lot of booms there at the beginning! Anyway, here are my lyrics:

Boom! Boom! Boom! Snack!

There is a noise I’ve heard
It’s got me quite concerned
That the world might be coming to an end

Sound of explos-i-ons
Don’t know where they’re coming from
I think it’s an artillery attack
This must mean some

Boom! Snacks!
The sound of the bombs
Means lots of noms and noms and noms and noms and
Boom! Snacks!
Too scared to eat them now
So I’ll pile them up, I’ll pile them up yeah

The base is shooting things
That make my poor ears ring
Rattling the walls and windows too

It’s the Apocalypse
I’ll hide under the desk
Until I hear the treat jar opening
This must mean some

Boom! Snacks!
The sound of the bombs
Means lots of noms and noms and noms and noms and
Boom! Snacks!
I’d eat them if I could
But I’ll pile them up, I’ll pile them up yeah

Charlee: “Maybe we should try acting scared when the bombs are going off, and then we’ll get fish skins too.”
Chaplin: “I doubt they would buy it. Besides, we’re scared of the vacuum cleaner and we don’t get fish skins when that comes out.”
Lulu: “I don’t like the vacuum either but at least we know what that is when we hear it. The booms could be anything. Even Godzilla!”

Now, granted, the booms haven’t been Godzilla yet, but the next time, they could be. You can never tell. Just because there’s an extremely low probability of something happening doesn’t mean it won’t. Anyway, this last round of booms got me so upset that Mama finally had to give me some anxiety medication, which did, eventually, make me feel better. But then I got the munchies. So here’s my final life tip for this session: If you get the munchies and you can’t find where Spicoli hid the Doritos, you can try stealing cans of cat food from the stack behind the table and carrying them away to the office, because it turns out you don’t actually need thumbs to open them; you just need to bite down hard enough to pop the lid off, and then you can get at the stinky goodness inside. And if you do that, be quiet about it! I unfortunately gave myself away when I barked at Chaplin to warn him off trying to steal my legitimately stolen ill-gotten gains, so I didn’t get the chance to finish opening the second can. That first one really hit the spot, though. Even when Mama and Dada showed up to investigate my little yelp at Chaplin, I really didn’t want to give up my stolen cat food can, which was in the running for the Best Loot Ever; but once I heard the magic words “not yours” and “trade” I knew there would be another fish skin in it for me, so at that point I allowed Mama to collect it.

Mr. Nibbles: “That seems like an extremely specific life tip, Lulu. I’m not sure how many of your readers are going to find it applicable.”
Chaplin: “We could have shared the cat food you stole, but noooo, you had to make a stink about it.”
Spicoli: “Dude, don’t be encouraging people to come over and steal my Doritos.”

Stay safe and avoid the boom, everyone! And also the clap! This is Lulu, over and out!

Lulu: “What?”

Later …

Mouse: “Now do you see why there was that awkward silence when you told everyone to avoid ‘the clap’?”
Lulu: “Well, yes, but it still seems like good advice.”

12 thoughts on “Lulu’s Life Tips With Bonus Lyrics: “Boom Snack”

  1. I like the Boom Snack ditty. Snacks are very important, especially when you get the munchies and need to keep the boom anxiety at bay. I’m glad the cat food cans are paw friendly, though I’m not sure that they’re supposed to be… It’s okay, we won’t tell 😉

    The Clap is definitely something to avoid. Kinda sounds like a band name, doesn’t it? Like The Beatles, but a lot less appealing if you get it because I don’t think it would make you want to dance.

    The Bunker looks very cosy! Dada is kind giving up his legroom. I hope the weather over there settles down soon. Stay safe all of you xx


  2. Whoot! A super long tale of angst (sort of) resolved!

    Love your under the desk retreats/bunkers!
    I, Benji sometimes sleep on petcretary’s feet under her desk…

    But she says the best under the desk story comes from her days of yore, when the Blackie she grew up with heard booms and such…he would catapult himself over the counter in our Opa’s shop, come through the kitchen and head for the dining room where Opa’s desk was and hide under it…as close to the wall as he could…but no fancy nesting was provided him, that was left in the shop that he was supposed to be guarding, LOL!

    (There was hardly any room for him to get a running start to jump the about 4 ft high display counter in the shop, and even less space on the house side, where the escape door was…he had pogo sticks in his legs, LOL!)


  3. So Lulu, did you ever think about going into hiding more often, even when there aren’t any boom booms just so you can start to accumulate a trove of fish skins?

    Woos – Lightning, Misty, and Timber


  4. When Mom lived in the big city and we went to visit her we were afraid of the thunder! It shook the house and Mom had no clutter as it vibrated all the stuff off of the bookcase and counters. Mom said it was just the planes coming down the flight path! But Lulu we agree with you! Dens under things and stealing foods are the best way to get over being scared! (BTW – Mom had to quit buying that particular cat food and went back to tins because Cinnamon would do what you did!). We are so glad we live in the middle of nowhere and there is seldom loud noises. You guys are AWESOME! Have a marvellously Happy Day!


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