CSI: The Denouement

Horatio Caine: “… And so, after interviewing everyone here, I’ve been unable to find a viable suspect in the case of the mysterious pile of feathers. Most likely the crime was perpetrated by an outside agent, like a hawk or a jabberwock or a vicious knid. Any questions?”
Spicoli: “I have a question, dude. Where’d you get those shades? You never did tell me.”
Charlee: “How many kinds of knids are there? Are they all vicious or only some of them?”
Horation Cane: “Any questions about the case?“
Spicoli: “No.”
Charlee: “No.”

Lulu: “All right, everyone, thanks for your cooperation during this investigation. Sorry we couldn’t find the culprit—”
Producer Smurf: “Smurf on just a minute! We’re not done here yet! I’ve still got to present my true-crime smurfumentary! It’s going to smurf all the awards, you’ll see!”
Vermin: “HISSS! Boo! Nasty smurf! Not a documentary! Documentaries are soooo boring!”

But, despite Vermin’s protestations …

Vermin: “HISSS! Boring!!!”

Vermin: “HISSS! Still boring!”

Producer Smurf (on video): “Thanks for smurfing to appear in my new smurfumentary ‘Things Cats Smurf to Stare At’. My assistant Jokey Smurf has your payment in that gift box.”
Mourning Dove (on video): “Ooh! What’s in the box? Is it yummy bird seed?”
Producer Smurf: “Uhh, wait, this part isn’t supposed to smurf in the final cut of the video …”

Jokey Smurf (on video): “Whoops.”
Producer Smurf (on video): “All right, I guess we’re doing a true crime smurfumentary instead. We just have to smurf the feathers with Febreze so that Lulu can’t smurf that we were ever here.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Ha ha ha ha! I stand corrected! Best documentary ever!”
Lulu: “As I was saying, the investigation determined that Producer Smurf blew up the bird …”
Producer Smurf: “Not smurfy! Not smurfy at all! Somebody has clearly smurfed a deepfake of me and Jokey Smurf blowing up some stupid mourning dove!”
Chaplin: “Aww, I wanted to see the things that cats like to stare at.”