On The Sixth Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me A Trademark That’s Used Improperly

Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “You’ve got a lot of nerve, sneaking into the Ninja Hedgehog Underground Lair®.”
Blue: “I wouldn’t say we’re sneaking.”
Lulu: “We’re here to bring the elves—um, I mean, elf—back to the … Wait, did you just actually say ‘®‘ after ‘Underground Lair’?”
Spearmint: “I’m not going back, coppers! The secret of mealworm genetic engineering wants to be free!”

Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Oh, yeah, we registered ‘Undergound Lair’ as a trademark. Hey, if they can register ‘Meta’ …”
Lulu: “Hmm, interesting. Did you need a lawyer to set that up for you?”
Spearmint: “Here’s all the documentation right here! Once I send it to the press, anyone will be able to make their own giant mealworms right at home!”

Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Yes, we called up that Scrooge guy who’s always hanging around your place with the money falling out of his coat and stuff.”
Lulu: “Really? I’m surprised you got anything out of him besides a bunch of ‘bah humbugs’ and a bill.”

Spearmint (sotto voce): “Hello, Glenn Greenwald? I have got a big story for you! See, it’s all about genetically engineered mealworms that … uh-huh … uh-huh … uh-huh …”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “Well he did say a lot of that but then he took our money so we figure he must have registered the trademark like we asked.”
Lulu: “I’m not sure you can really figure that where Scrooge is concerned.”
Blue: “Why are you asking all these questions about registered trademarks?”
Lulu: “Well I thought maybe if they could register something stupid like ‘Underground Lair’, we could register something stupid like ‘the’ and then charge licensing fees.”

Spearmint: “Well it turns out nobody cares about genetically engineering mealworms with Santa hats and boots.”
Ninja Hedgehog Commander: “The mealworms have Santa hats and boots?! How are we supposed to make mealworm gruel out of that? It’ll have all kinds of fibers in it!”
Knight Who Says ‘Ni’: “You cannot register a trademark for ‘The®‘! That trademark already belongs to The® Knights Who Say ‘Ni’!”
Ninja Hedgehog #1: “I thought our underground lair® was supposed to be a secret.”
Ninja Hedgehog #2: “I think they had to put our address on the trademark application form.”