The Tour, Day 1: Television*

Java Bean: “What’s that thing? It must be important since it’s in some kind of shrine.”
Lulu: “This is the television. It’s full of monsters and zombies and aliens and superheroes and other very dangerous things.”

Java Bean: “Yikes! Shut the wooden doors so those things can’t get out and chase us!”
Lulu: “It’s all right. They only show up when Dada presses the buttons on the magical plastic candy bar. I think it summons them somehow.”

Mouse: “Don’t listen to Lulu, Java Bean. None of those things is actually inside the TV. They’re just pictures and are completely harmless.”
Lulu: “You can say that all you want, Mouse, but I’m not taking any chances that Mrs. Coulter might see me and send her monkey after me.”
Java Bean: “Who’s Mrs. Coulter?”
Lulu: “Well I can show you but just be warned, she’s scary and loud. If I knew how to make her quieter, I would do it.”

After some fumbling with the buttons on the magical plastic candy bar …

(Warning: This actually is loud.)

Moments later …

Spicoli (offscreen): “Dude! What have I told you? The secret compartment in the closet is not for hiding from Mrs. Coulter!”
Mr. Nibbles: “Did I hear someone screaming just now?”
Mouse: “Lulu was just trying to introduce Java Bean to television and things got a little out of hand when Mrs. Coulter showed up.”
Mr. Nibbles: “Oh, that Mrs. Coulter is pretty horrifying! Java Bean, are you all right?”
Java Bean: “Oh sure, I’m fine. I’ve seen more horrifying things than that when I was living on the street. Like this one time somebody spilled coffee on the sidewalk and they rinsed it all away with a hose instead of lapping it up.”

* Dada’s Note: Java Bean has not actually been exposed to Mrs. Coulter, and Lulu hasn’t seen her again since we realized Mrs. Coulter scares her**.
** Being scared of Mrs. Coulter is only good sense.

16 thoughts on “The Tour, Day 1: Television*

  1. Our television contains a lot of cars and skiers and people with British accents. Luckily we like watching cars. We like watching tennis, too…. Welcome to the Nuttiest House in The West, Bean! (And we say that living in our house, which isn’t really on the list for Sanest House in The West…)

    *kissey face*
    Lucy-Fur and Crazy Daisy


  2. What a waste of good coffee.

    Be careful now guys. This is a religious thing you’re messing with here. Every day, millions sit in front of this in reverie for hours.


  3. YIKES!!!
    Wee do NOT liek <issus coulter…shee iss terryfyin!!!
    Java Bean mee heerss you 'bout seein scarey stuff on meen streetss….
    Mee been there an dun that!!! **shudderss**
    **nose bopss** BellaDharma an ❤ BellaSita Mum


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