The Tour, Day 3: Cats

Lulu: “So, Java Bean, these are the cats. Remember, you met them in the conference room at the end of your interview?”
Java Bean: “Yes, of course. One of them is a boy and one of them is a girl but they both have beards so it’s hard to tell which is which.”
Chaplin: “A beard? As if. I have a soul patch, thank you very much.”

Chaplin: “And Charlee has a goatee. Beards. Pfft. We’re Hipsters, not ZZ Top.”
Lulu: “Charlee is the girl and she also has a moustache. Just use the mnemonic ‘fe-male mou-stache’, that should help.”
Java Bean: “I’m not sure that really helps since ‘male’ also starts with ‘m’ just like ‘moustache’.”
Lulu: “Oh the mnemonic goes by the number of syllables, not by the letters.”
Charlee: “Can’t you dogs figure out who is who just by using your vaunted sense of smell?”
Lulu: “Not really. All cats smell like aliens to us.”

Lulu: “Anyway, Java Bean, the thing to remember about these cats is that they will not play with you no matter how much you play bow to them.”
Chaplin: “Bowing to a cat is not a way of initiating play. It’s a form of worship. So we do encourage it.”
Charlee: “We won’t play with you, but we might smack you upside the head.”
Java Bean: “Noted. Will that smack upside the head be with or without claws?”
Charlee: “That depends on how much you annoy us.”

Lulu: “Wait, so you guys have claws?”
Charlee: “Uh, yeah. How do you think we climb straight up the cat pole?”
Lulu: “Velcro gloves.”
Chaplin: “We don’t have gloves. We have murder mittens.”
Java Bean: “I see that after my tour of the house is finished, I need to give you a tour of living on the street …”

14 thoughts on “The Tour, Day 3: Cats

  1. Mew mew mew you tell them Murder Mitten Kittenss Jave Bean!!
    Charlee an Chaplin pleese bee nice to Java Bean…life on THE meen streetss suckss an whther kay-nine or fee-line wee shuud be enice to street Kittyss an Poochiess…..
    **nose bopss** BellaDharma an ***giggellss*** BellaSita Mum


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