What Went Into That Dog: The Game Show, Lulu Edition

Producer Smurf: “All right, our first contestant is Vermin!”
Vermin: “HISSS! I keep telling all of you! My name is Jill!”
Producer Smurf: “Vermin is some kind of wallaby or something. She smurfs around the house hissing at everyone.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Crazy smurf! I’m an opossum! The part about hissing is accurate though.”
Producer Smurf: “All right then, Vermin, let’s smurf your guess as to what kind of dog Lulu smurfs!”
Vermin: “HISSS! She’s a nasty dog! Just like all the other nasty dogs and cats! Also I think she’s a clone of Trixie.”
Chaplin: “Mouse, you ruled out cloning as a source of where Lulu came from, right?”
Mouse: “Well, I know Trouble’s Clone-o-Matic wasn’t used to make her, but it’s not like I checked every other Clone-o-Matic in the world.”

Producer Smurf: “Next up we have Norman! Smurf me, Norman, is it true that every single ninja hedgehog smurfs by the name Norman?”
Norman: “Yes, that’s correct.”
Producer Smurf: “Doesn’t that smurf a little confusing when you’re smurfing to each other?”
Norman: “Well it makes it easy to remember everyone’s name. And it’s less confusing than saying ‘smurf’ every other word.”
Producer Smurf: “Ha ha ha, smurfy! Okay, Nathan, let’s smurf your guess about what kind of dog Lulu smurfs.”
Norman: “Well she’s very fluffy, and soft like a marshmallow, so I’m going to say she’s a Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man Dog.”
Charlee: “Is ‘Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man Dog’ even a thing?”
Spicoli: “I don’t know, dude, but now I want to make s’mores.”

Producer Smurf: “Moving on, we have this gopher that I smurfed out in the yard smurfing dandelions. Say hello to the audience, Mr. Gopher!”
Gopher: “I want to go back underground.”
Producer Smurf: “Sure sure, just as soon as we’ve smurfed with our taping. So what do you think of the above-ground world?”
Gopher: “The lights! The lights! So bright! They hurt my eyes!”
Producer Smurf: “Who hasn’t smurfed that first thing in the morning? Ha ha! All right, your guess, Mr. Gopher?”
Gopher: “MURDERER! SHE IS A WASTEFUL MURDERER! SHE ATE MY NEIGHBOR MR. JONES AND DIDN’T EVEN DIGEST HIM!”
Lulu: “It’s a fair cop.”
Blue: “I would’ve digested him for sure.”
Spicoli: “Remind me to give that dude a pair of sunglasses after the show.”

Producer Smurf: “And finally we have Bob the Pyromaniac Builder! Say, Bob, don’t you usually smurf dynamite with you? What’s with the homemade bomb?”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “Supply chain issues. I can’t get dynamite right now.”
Producer Smurf: “Well that’s not smurfy, is it? Not smurfy at all! What are you planning to smurf with that bomb, anyway?”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “I think I might go bowling later. Guaranted strike every time. Boom!”
Producer Smurf: “Sounds like those pins will never smurf what hit them! So what’s your guess as to Lulu’s background, Bob?”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “To be honest, I don’t know. But I do know this: Can I fix her? Yes I can!”
Lulu: “But I’ve already been fixed.”
Mr. Nibbles: “The contestant vetting process for this show leaves something to be desired.”
Mouse: “Yes, such as both vetting and a process.”
Charlee: “Can you guys stop saying ‘vet’ please?”

Producer Smurf: “All right, we’ve smurfed from our contestants, none of whom, I must smurf, have any idea what they’re smurfing about! Now let’s smurf it to our audience! Smurf your guesses in the poll, and smurf in on Friday* for the actual results!”
Spicoli: “Ugh, I hate cliffhangers.”
Chaplin: “Because of the waiting?”
Spicoli: “Because I usually forget the first part by the time we get to the second part.”

Dada’s Note:

Our own guesses for what went into making Lulu have included various mixtures of Australian Shepherd, border collie, Sheltie, and German Shepherd. Feel free to take the poll or enter your own guesses in the comments, and the actual results of her testing will be revealed on Friday*, after which it will be The Bean’s turn!

* For those who would like to know in advance what Lulu’s results are, you can click here to visit the public results page at Embark. (Java Bean’s results are also available from that link.)