Category: Dogs

Rave Review

Emcee: “Thank you, Glitter Dogs tribute band the Rhinestone Rhodesians! And now put your hands together for Squeekles tribute band the Mopp Topps!”
Mr. Nibbles: “All right, you’re on. Now just remember, don’t be nervous, even though there’s going to be hundreds of people staring at you.”
Chaplin: “Pffft. We can ignore hundreds of people just as easily as we ignore one.”
Lulu: “Oh boy! People? I love people! Will they give me belly rubs?”
Cybersqueekle: “It will be fine. My emotional circuitry is disabled in firmware.”
Producer Smurf: “What a smurfy crowd! This could finally be my big break as a producer! I need to get some merchandise made up to sell!”
Mouse: “Excuse me, I think I see someone I know out there.”

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No Treble

Producer Smurf: “All right, I’ve smurfed you a spot on a battle of the tribute bands type thing.”
Cybersqueekle: “I do not remember hiring you to be our manager.”
Producer Smurf: “Oh, see, I already manage the others, so by majoritarian rule I’m smurfo facto the manager of the entire band.”
Charlee: “Why do we have to be the Squeekles tribute band and wear these ridiculous wigs?”
Chaplin: “Yes, why didn’t you tell him you would be in the band?”
Mr. Nibbles: “Because I can’t sing.”
Lulu: “I feel like a sheepdog.”

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Mallcats

Cybersqueekle: “The costume shop is this way.”
Lulu: “Everyone keep an eye out. I’m pretty sure this is the same mall where that Paul Blart guy stole my car.”
Producer Smurf (into phone): “No, I didn’t smurf the band played heavy metal, I smurfed that one of the members is metal.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips With Bonus Lyrics: “Boom Snack”

Hello friendlies! Lulu here, reporting from the bunker, also known as underneath Dada’s desk.

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See I Told You

Lulu: “See? I told you they were nice! Well, one of them, anyway.”
Mr. Nibbles: “See? I told you we could get out of that situation by working together.”
Charlee: “See? I told you sending Lulu to bark at the door was a bad idea.”
Chaplin: “All right, all right, I get it.”
Lulu: “Thank you for carrying us out of there, Mr. Cyber Authority Man!”
Cybersqueekle: “You are welcome. Now we must go to the costume store before the other cyber authorities emerge from your domicile and discover that the mouse has freed you.”

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Heavy. Metal.

Cyberman #1: “We have apprehended a small group of furry hackers. Awaiting further instructions.”
Chaplin: “They’re ‘ever so nice’, eh, Lulu?”
Lulu: “Well in my defense, they did tell me I was pretty.”
Spicoli: “Psst. You metal dudes didn’t happen to bring any Doritos, did you?”
Cyberman #2: “No. Go away.”

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Lulu’s Life Tips: How To Overcome The Human Height Advantage

Hello friendlies! Lulu here with another life tip! Now, you may never have noticed this, but generally barking, humans are taller than dogs. This includes humans who haven’t finished growing up yet, such as children and Peter Pan and many politicians and celebrities. This gives humans an advantage when it comes to things like putting food and treats out of reach as well as when roughousing, because they can just stand up and then you can’t bitey their hands or or their faces. Fortunately, I’m here to offer a few suggestions for leveling this playing field!

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Cyber-Enabled Doorbell

Charlee: “I guess that must be the cyber authorities. What should we do? Should we find the mouse?”
Chaplin: “We don’t need the mouse. We can handle this on our own. Lulu, go bark at them and scare them away.”
Charlee: “Do you really think this is an appropriate time to be making jokes, Chaplin?”

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