On The Tenth Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me A Visit To A Corrupt Attorney

Lulu: “Mr. Scrooge, here’s that potted plant that we owe the® Knights who say ‘Ni’ for using their trademarked word ‘the®’.”
Scrooge: “You can’t just barge in here. I’m meeting with other clients. Bah, humbug.”

Continue reading “On The Tenth Day Of Christmas My True Love Gave To Me A Visit To A Corrupt Attorney”

Raiding Is A Lost Art

Norman #1: “Nobody move! This is a ninja hedgehog raid!”
Norman #2: “Hand over our 20% of the loot you got for fencing our stuff, your 80% of the loot you got for fencing our stuff, and our stuff that you fenced!”

Continue reading “Raiding Is A Lost Art”

Do You Feel Lucky?

Dada’s Note: Literally the day we were going to make the call, Dennis suddenly bounced back, happily greeting us at the door with a wagging tail for the first time in days. Whether this is an effect of increased prednisone and his new biome treatment finally kicking in or just a spontaneous remission, we don’t know, but we’re happy he’s feeling better for however long as it lasts. Meanwhile, Dennis decided to celebrate his good fortune by playing the lottery.

Mr. Nibbles: “Friend Dennis, what are all those coupons you’ve got there?”
Dennis: “They’re a bunch of TennisBall lottery tickets that I bought.”
Mouse: “Are you sure you don’t mean Powerball?”
Dennis: “Umm, I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

Continue reading “Do You Feel Lucky?”

Jokers Wild


Dennis: “Charlee! Chaplin! What are you doing in the mythical land of Hungary?”
Chaplin: “We’re here to bring you back home to California!”
Felix Leiter:”Those cats have some sharp-looking tuxedos.”

Continue reading “Jokers Wild”

Point/Counter Point

dennis_poetic_license_counter_1

Dennis: “Hello there! My name is Dennis the human person and I am here with my guinea pig/St. Bernard mix, which is my human person pet.”
Mouse: “Mr. Nibbles, why are you going along with this when you know it’s going to be a fiasco?”
Mr. Nibbles: “It’s part of a project to help Mr. Dennis get over his fear of strange dogs.”

Continue reading “Point/Counter Point”

Overheard Around The House And Elsewhere

possum_jealous_1

Vermin: “HISSS! I don’t know why they brought in these kittens when there’s already a perfectly good grey and white cat hanging around.”
Mouse: “But, ‘Dennis’, I don’t see a grey and white ‘cat’ anywhere. Do you?”
Charlee: “A talking field mouse. / A smelly dog-headed thing. / It’s like a freak show.”

Continue reading “Overheard Around The House And Elsewhere”

Overheard Around The Dungeon In The American Embassy

dennis_explains_1
Bugs Bunny: “So what are you in for this time, Doc?”
Dennis: “Well I accidentally smuggled a box of uninspected meat and a crate containing some sort of alien monster into the country.”

Continue reading “Overheard Around The Dungeon In The American Embassy”

It’s A Blast

blast_room_1

Dennis: “I don’t see why my box of meat has to be in the blast chamber. It’s just meat.”
Ambassador: “Bob said so and Bob is the expert.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Stupid big dog! Why are you complaining? If the crate has a bomb in it and the bomb goes off, we’ll have instant barbecue!”
Dennis: “Oooh, you’re right! Blow it up, Bob!”
Bob the Pyromaniac Builder: “All right, I’m going to open the crate!”

Continue reading “It’s A Blast”

Embassytown

Ambassador: “Welcome to the American Embassy, Mr. Vizsla and, uh, whatever that other thing is.”
Dennis: “I was kind of hoping we would end up at the Blogville embassy …”
Vermin: “HISSS! Nasty diplomat! I am a vizsla too! Can’t you tell by my ridiculous floppy ears, my slobbery jowls, and the goofy expression on my face? Not to mention my wonderful good nature??!! Stupid human!”
Ambassador: “Oooookay. Well anyway, you two have caused a pretty big ruckus for our friends here in Burkina Faso. Those kids out there are convinced you have iPhones for them.”

Continue reading “Embassytown”

Teen Point Five Million

dennis_possum_burkina_faso_1

Vermin: “HISSS! I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable traveling over all this water on a heavily laden  magic flying coaster.”
Dennis: “Oh it’s fine! I’ve only got one more stop to make and I don’t think it’s very far.”
Vermin: “HISSS! All right, good! Where are we going?”
Dennis: “Burkina Faso.”

Continue reading “Teen Point Five Million”

The Chicago Way

to_chicago_1

Dennis: “There sure is a lot of whooping and clanging going on back at the bank.”
Vermin: “HISSS! Oh it’s just the cops. Nothing to worry about. Where are we going next?”
Dennis: “Chicago. Dada has an unclaimed box full of money in a warehouse there.”

Continue reading “The Chicago Way”