4urpets passed along this nice Bloggers of the World medallion, courtesy of Colin. She and Gina were wishing they could put it in their sidebars, so since I know how to do that, I thought I’d make a little post to help them out. Anyone who already knows HTML will most likely find this post tedious; such people are encouraged to go read about Dennis’s trying to find himself a little friend instead. Or you could buy one of my books and read that. 😉
hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well i gess i wont be getting a littl rat frend ennytime soon today dada found the rat in a trap on the floor in the garaj it was the trap from one of the beems in the seeling where pooh bear used to walk now the rat was using them to get arownd like an elevatd sidewawk its pretty neet to be able to wawk in the rafters ill have to see if i can get up there sumtime ennyway dada put the rat in the trash he didnt even let me lik it a littl bit oh well maybe next time ill find the rat on the floor before dada duz i just hav to be kwiker than him ok thats it for now bye bye
So it’s been a while since I posted any actual destruction here on Dennis’s Diary of Destruction … now that he’s crated while we’re gone, his opportunities for mischief are greatly reduced. Still, this week he managed to chew up a couple of things:
No, nobody threw up into a bowl … we started giving our animals alternative foods after all that melamine nonsense broke last year, and this is a dehydrated raw food that my wife sometimes feeds our dogs. I affectionately refer to it as “green stuff” (only I don’t say “stuff”). Doesn’t it look yummmmmmy? (The little pill is a fatty acid gel-cap for Dennis’s coat.)
My wife would like to state for the record that “green stuff” contains 100% human food grade turkey, organic flaxseed, potatoes, celery, spinach, carrots, coconut, apples, kelp (human-grade kelp???), eggs, sesame seeds, bananas, cranberries, rosemary, vitamins, and minerals, and the dogs just love it.
By the way, the state of Ohio evidently believes its citizens are too stupid to realize that “green stuff” is dog food, as if seeing “human food grade” on the label would make you think it’s a new kind of hot cereal or something. You probably could eat it, actually; but would you?
hello readers, this is tucker the canadian vizsla. i have a tip that might help you get more sleep in the morning while you’re waiting for breakfast. see, it used to be that when mommy was getting breakfast for us dogs, i would whine and carry on and bark and get underfoot and generally make a pest of myself. this doesn’t get me breakfast any faster but it makes sure mommy knows i’m really, really, really hungry. dennis watched me do this for a few weeks, and now he’s starting to do it himself. this means that i don’t have to pester mommy anymore; dennis does it for me, and i can sleep in, knowing that somebody is incessantly reminding mommy that we haven’t eaten yet. a perfect plan, isn’t it?
so if you have somebody who’s slow getting your breakfast in the morning, don’t pester them yourself; find a stooge to do it for you, and get yourself an extra fifteen minutes of snoozing. being a criminal mastermind is hard work and we need our sleep.
hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog i was hoping yoo can help me convins mama and dada not to get rid of the rat in the garaj i wood like to keep it as a pet if i wore clothes i wood carry it in my poket but since i am a vizsla dog all i have is a kollar and it duznt hav poketses but the rat can ride on my hed like in that movee ratatooeythe rat in that movee even new how to cook so maybe this one duz too we wont no until we let it in the kitchen but its worth a try
ennyway i wood like to have a littl frend to carry arownd and wen i get bord with it i cood eet it problem solvd dont you think???
one i am afrayd of kitchen noises and bark at dada wen he is cooking or emptying the dishwasher or putting pots and pans away i dont know why but i just kant help it and ennyway hes reely noizy when hes in there
too i like to go owtside and sit behind the shiff … shiffl … the big leefy tree arownd by the bak corner of the howse but there are beez there now and mama wont let me go neer them i dont know why i cant play with those beez when i play with the ones i got for krismas
three it reely was me hoo tore up the chase lounj dont tell ennybody ok?
for i have scars all over most from before i kame to my new howse but one on my noze i got when i busted out of the metal krate
five my feet look like they belong on a rabbit
six mama and dada sumtimes call me “abe frohman the sausage king of chicago” for reezons i dont reely understand
seven i dont like to go owt in the car unless my brudder tucker the other vizsla dog comes along with me otherwise im nervous
well those are sum fakts about me i have to go lik whats left of myself now ok bye
Well, now that Pooh Bear is gone, it didn’t take the mice long to move into the garage; this morning I found a half-eaten bag of oatmeal in the pantry out there. The mouse that ate it is going to be extremely regular for quite a while.
hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog
tonite i fownd owt we hav skunks in the nayborhud, isnt that grate??? i wuz owtside with my sister trixie the chow shepherd mix wen she took off running for the fens and the next thing i knew the air wuz full of the most punjent aroma i ever smeld and wen she came bak the smell wuz all over her if i had been walking along and i fownd sumthing that smeld like her i wood hav rolld arownd in it for shure
hello nice reederz its dennis the vizsla dog well this krismas thing seems to be pretty ok at furst i wasnt sure why mama was giving me peeces of paper but then i saw my brudder tucker the other vizsla dog ripping the paper up and it turned out there were stuft toys inside so well if theres wun thing i know how to do its tear stuf up so i started ripping up the paper and I found a big bee hive full of bees inside not the kind that sting they were soft and skweeky so i carried the hive around for a wile becuz i was so prowd of myself for unrapping it
Merry Christmas from Dennis, Tucker, Trixie, Trouble, 30-odd fish, and, of course, the two humans in the house.
A couple of comments have asked about Dennis’s mange, and so I wanted to get a picture to show how nicely his fur is growing in. Unfortunately Dennis has decided he’s afraid of cameras. If he’s doing something cute and you even start to think about getting the camera, he detects this and flees like a drunken starlet in her Mercedes SUV on the run from the paparazzi.
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